Sticks and Stones can break my Bones…

14 Apr

“Sticks and stones can break my Bones… But words can never hurt me!” Remember that saying when were kids??? I think we ALL know it’s crap!

This is my response to ‘Findingravity’s Anti-Bullying Link up’ Campaign- Click on the link to find out more…

In her post she asked bloggers to share their stories about bullying and this is mine… From BOTH sides of the bullying spectrum- Because sometimes in the spirit of  ‘teasing’ and ‘kids will be kids’ we say and do things that are harmful and hurtful without realizing it… until someone brings it to our attention.

How I was bullied-

In this day and age people seem to think that bullying only extends to the extreme. Like unless someone is being harassed via social media, being made to cry or in worse case scenarios willing to take their own life just to escape it- that it’s not that serious! Well let me tell you IT IS! It all starts somewhere and if we don’t nip that shit in the butt from jump- getting harassed IS the next step. By then it’s almost too late. The Bullies have already gotten use their facade of superiority and the bullied already feel helpless.

I had curves before curves were in style. Before we had people (celebrities, models etc.) telling us it was “OK” {Don’t even get me started on that} to have an ass and breast and whatever. Where I was always one of the tallest, and one of the curviest in my class growing up.

When I would go to the mall and not be able to find shit to wear because all we had where stores like 5.7.9; The limited; and Express (and the likes) and my small waist and big hips couldn’t find jeans to wear. (Hip huggers and low-rise jeans and leggings hadn’t made their way to us yet.) So to actually have clothes I would have to stuff myself into something that may have been too small or wayyyy too big (like mens clothes) that would fall off my waist. I was too thick for average sizes but too thin for plus size… it was a nightmare.

THEN- I would have to go to school and people, including my “‘friends'” would call me “Thunder thighs” or flip my name around because my last name actually DID rhyme with derriere (of all the luck) or, and my favorite was when my “friend” asked me :

What does it feel like to be so bad bodied and un-proportionate?”

I would laugh it off and my mom would say things like they are just jealous cause they wish they had your shape but whatever… I didn’t want to hear it! I wanted to be stick thin and wear the short shorts (without a belt) just like everyone else. But because I had “friends” and a social life and was still invited out and to parties etc. I always thought “It’s not that serious… They’re just being funny!” I was full of shit and I knew it! It hurt BAD and I developed all kinds of complexes and insecurities about myself.

To this day I still have a shopping complex!

How I bullied and didn’t stop bullying

Here’s how I feel about NOT standing up to it… YOU ARE JUST AS BAD! and I’m ashamed to admit that I WAS just as bad. I wasn’t a bully (that I know of) but I was a bitch! Period! There’s no way around it.

I didn’t go around teasing, taunting and finding ways to make people’s lives miserable but if my “Friends” were doing it… There were plenty of times I  laughed at something they said or just sat by and did nothing. I convinced myself that as long as I wasn’t the one saying or doing these things then I wasn’t guilty! again- I was full of shit and I knew it…  Deep down the truth was as long as they weren’t talking about me and my “derriere” I was happy.

It didn’t take until later on (towards the end of high school) when I would stand up and be like you know what guys just leave him/her alone… and by then most of the damage was already done.

It’s sad really- disgusting even-if you think about it!

A few years later I ran into a girl that I used to go to school with and “second-hand bullied”. I was happy to see her and she told me all about the great things she was doing. We exchanged numbers and I was happy to actually befriend her again as I thought she was one of the nicest girls we went to school with.

A few days later when we linked up over the phone she got quiet. When I asked her what was wrong… She asked me “Why was I so mean to her in school but I’m so nice to her now?” I was shocked! Me? I remember saying something like I was NEVER mean to you ever, yes my friend was but there wasn’t anything I could do about that you know  and then she said something I will never forget.

“It didn’t hurt me as bad what she said… she was a bully and everyone knew it… it hurt more when you would sit idly by and do nothing when I KNOW you had it in you to stop her.”

It tore at my heart and though we kept in contact… I couldn’t even look at her- and honestly didn’t think I deserved her friendship.

 She was right… I was just as bad if not worse!

Stand up for what you believe is right! If you’re too scared to stand up for yourself go to someone who can and WILL do something about it. If they won’t listen to you beat the door down ’til they do. Think about what you might be doing for someone else.

And If someone come’s to you… Please PLEASE don’t dismiss them. Don’t tell them “Just ignore it and it will go away!” It’s not a right of passage to get bullied. Yes kids can be cruel but isn’t it time to STOP making excuses for them? Teach them that words can and DO hurt?

Stick and stones DO break bones, but scars and bruises heal. Words stick with you forever and can do permanent damage!

Please think about that and ALL aspects of bullying.

I’ve told you my stories… and I hope at least ONE person learns from it. So now share your’s and spread the word of ANTI-BULLYING!

3 Responses to “Sticks and Stones can break my Bones…”

  1. duncanr April 16, 2012 at 4:13 PM #

    Excellent post !

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Anti Bullying Link Up Submissions…ANNNND….A Vlog!…BOOM! | findingravity - April 21, 2012

    […] Read her story about discovering her identity and sense of self in the midst of being bullied. https://lolosofocused.wordpress.com/2012/04/14/sticks-and-stones-can-break-my-bones/ Lolosofocused not only talks about the true severity of body image harassment from her own […]

  2. Anti-Bullying « So you Think you can… ACT? - April 14, 2012

    […] shared my story at ‘Ranting on the Lolo’ Please share yours… Share this:TwitterFacebookLike this:LikeBe the first to like this […]

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