Once a Cheater– Always a Cheater?

27 May

… Sometimes, I’m not so sure that’s true.

Now, before I begin, let me state that I’ve never cheated on anyone. I have, however, been cheated on and cheated with. There’s no other way to describe that feeling, other than it hurts like a MOTHER! I wouldn’t wish that gutted feeling on my worst enemy. So, I am in no way out to make excuses for anyone. In any way, shape or form. Got it? Good! Moving on! 

For a story that I’m working on —which deals with a past event that some might consider cheating—I found myself stuck on how to make my character proceed with her relationship. 

Her boyfriend, or in this case fiance’, doesn’t cheat per say, but he does do something that he shouldn’t have. That’s all imma say.

Anyway, my initial reaction was to make her furious. She left, stopped speaking to him, attempted to move on, etc. Months went by before she even entertained the thought of speaking to him. Let alone reconciling with him.

When I sent a rough draft of it to two of my pre-readers, they both sent it back to me with the same concern.

“Don’t you think you have her overreacting a little bit?”

“Of course not!” Was my first reaction. This, of course, is with me not having re-read it with those thoughts in mind. But regardless I stood firm. 

For about 5 minutes. 

Than I realized, “Holy… she IS overreacting. This is totally unrealistic, and no one, in real life would react so drastically.”

Or would we?

Like I said I said, I’ve been on both sides of that cheating spectrum. Having been the naive girlfriend, and the chick on the side. Cars have been keyed, prank calls and idle threats have been made. Fights were won and lost. I’ve done and reacted in many ways that I’m not proud of. But at the time, felt justified. 

I look back on my younger self sometimes and want to shake myself shouting “WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?”

The same, as I imagine, a lot of the knuckleheads that broke my heart, look back and think, “Wow,  I was terrible.” 

See where I’m going with this? Not yet? Okay…

Back to the question: WHEN is a cheater always a cheater? 

Yes, if your of a “certain age” and still cheating and carrying on about, do I think this rule applies to you? Absolutely!

But when you’re young and growing up etc. do you guys think it applies?

Do you always look back on someone’s past “behavior” in a relationship and let it dictate how you think they will be with you? 

If you find out he/she cheated on their last boyfriend/girlfriend– Do you automatically assume they will do the same to you? Or does this only apply if this happened WHILE you guys were together? 

4 Responses to “Once a Cheater– Always a Cheater?”

  1. CurtisTast April 3, 2017 at 12:17 AM #


  2. justcallmeraegen June 1, 2012 at 12:55 AM #

    I think it might depend on what phase a person is at in life as to whether or not he or she will cheat again if that person has before. I mean, if you were in junior high or high school and cheated then but not since, you might be OK in the future.

    That being said, though, I also think a person who cheats at any age probably started off with a poor moral compass and is both extremely selfish and narcissistically inclined – qualities very difficult to grow out of. And a large majority of people never grow up period, so there’s that.

    Having been witness to and a victim myself of cheating and how damaging it can be to entire families of people, I personally would never date anyone who told me they’d cheated before. That’s just a gamble I’m not willing to take. That being said, though, cheaters are also liars, so not all of them openly admit they have cheated before. And these are the ones even more dangerous than those that do admit it.

  3. singlewhitefemaledating May 28, 2012 at 6:08 AM #

    Food for thought for sure… lots of grey areas to consider!!

    I have witnessed this cheating cycle firsthand with a work colleague I have known over 10 years… He cheated on his wife and left her for a woman at work, who then cheated on him and left him – this cycle has gone round and round for this guy who is now in his late 40’s. One of the reasons I got off facebook was everytime I logged into chat this guy would pop up and starting flirting or being really inappropriate (at the time he was living with a girlfriend) when I challenged him about this behaviour and his lack of commitment – he said “things aren’t going well in my relationship” – poppy cock, liar, liar… He has had a dating trail of much younger girls (I am not sure what the attraction is). I find the guy replusive to say the least!!!!!!!!!!!! eeeeewwwwww 😦 ONCE a CHEATER always a CHEATER 4 SURE

    • lolosofocused May 28, 2012 at 12:04 PM #

      Yeah I agree… I didn’t always think so… but now I definitely see that there are a lot of grey areas with this topic.

      As for your work colleagues husband- UGH! No excuses. That’s definitely a cheater and a dirty dog if I’ve ever heard of one. It’s one thing if they’re in there early 20’s– not that it’s OK then– but I’ve learned that men tend to grow up later on.

      However, once you’re married! At ANY age… you need to keep it in your pants! And his ‘mistress’ leaving him is sweet karma!

      Thanks for sharing!

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