Archive | Hate breeds hate RSS feed for this section

“FAT NIGGER!” … that’s what I was called today.

29 Oct

By whom? I don’t know.

It was random.

It came from a stranger.

And I’m yet to decide how I truly feel about it.

Initially, I had no reaction. I was walking around during my lunch break and as I was waiting on the sidewalk for my turn to cross the street, a passerby yelled it from a car.

I didn’t look up. I didn’t even flinch. A part of it was because it took a minute to register what they said. The other was because I’ve learned—or I’m trying to learn, I should say—to school my initial reactions to people. I’m the one who talks back. The person who’s quick to roll their eyes at a comment without realizing it, or have a sarcastic reply.

Yet, in this situation, I felt nothing. No desire to retort. I was completely numb. 

For about five minutes.

When I walked back into work, my hand was shaking slightly as it all settled in. And when I told everyone what just happened, in the midst of their anger, the first thing I said was, “I’m not even that fat!”

I don’t know where that came from, but it truly didn’t even come from a place of trying to be funny.

And I still can’t figure out why the fat part of the comment bothered me more.

I mean, I know I’m black. I’ve been black since the day I was born. Because of that, I know there are people who will automatically dislike me.

They will quickly judge and decide that I’m not good enough.

That I’m not educated.

Or I’m ghetto.

Is it okay? No, of course not. But it is what it is.

Every day, all around us, there are reminders of how long we’ve come as a society coupled with instances of how much longer we have to go.

I’m not blind to the ignorance of the world.

I haven’t been since the second grade when a kid called me a ‘Negro’ but didn’t get in trouble no matter how much he hurt my feelings.

I haven’t been blind to it since earlier years when people would tell me I “sound like a white girl.” 

And I wasn’t blind to it today, when I was minding my business and had to be reminded that—by societies standards—I’m not only FAT but I’m a NIGGER.

I’m not as angry as some are or would be. In part, I’m actually kind of thankful it was said to me. I know had it been said to some others, they wouldn’t have been able to handle it. Going on with their day as if it never happened wouldn’t be an option.

It would have turned them cold, maybe even bitter.

Thankfully, that’s not going to happen here because I know I can’t change the way ignorant people think.

Today was one of the first times I’ve realized, truly, that my skin color doesn’t define me.

It’s not what they call you—it’s what you answer to.

I’ve never been slim. So yes, I might be fat.

But a nigger I am not.

I’m a strong black woman.      

And that’s okay!

Maybe one day it will be okay with everyone, too!

 NoHate

Santa Claus isn’t real…

26 Jul

… And celebrities are human.

Gasp! Who knew!

Ok, I’m sorry but those who know me, know I never miss the opportunity to let my sarcasm shine. So, I had to have that one, thanks for understanding.

Those who know me, also know that I’m a huge ‘Twilight’ fan—don’t judge me! Lol

With that said, I’m sure people are wondering what my thoughts are on this whole Kristen Stewart cheating on Rob Pattinson issue.

I’ll answer about my feelings (or lack thereof) momentarily…

What I would like to comment on, first, is people’s reactions to shit like this. I honestly don’t get it. I mean, hey I’m not one to pass judgment ‘cause I, too, perpetuate the vicious cycle of “Celebrity Gossip” by looking online at the rag mags, and wondering “what the hell he/she was wearing at said event.”  Or “wow I really can’t believe she’s having an alien’s baby”—(more sarcasm)… but you know what I do at the end of the day: I sleep just fine, and forget about these people who don’t know I exist, and probably never will.  

I also take everything I read with a grain of salt.

The same can’t be said for everyone, though, especially over social media, because for the past few days my Facebook and Twitter have blown up into a shit storm of hate and ugliness that’s surprised even me. And trust me; I’ve seen some hate and ugliness in my life—I mean, who hasn’t right?

I’ve seen “friends” turning on each other, battle swords drawn, and insults being flung around to the extreme. All in the name of how people feel others should be reacting. 

At one point I had to take a step back and say to myself:  “Self? Is this what die-hard—or in this case Twi-hard—fans, are supposed to do? Pull out the pitch forks; argue with not just each other but media outlets as well? Could it be, that I Lolo am not as much of a fan as I’ve proclaimed?”  No this can’t be… I continued. “Of course I’m a fan, I even write Fanfiction for it for crying out loud”—so what is it? Why am I not devastated and cursing the skies of the injustice of it all?

I’m not kidding, I really wondered (if only for a brief second) why I didn’t care.

And then I remembered why none of this has fazed me—at least not to the extent it should. I mean, I’m human after all– so even I had a minor reaction; shit didn’t you at least snort when you found out about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes? That’s a reaction!

Or what about Will and Jada? Another reaction…

Honestly I’m still a little broken for Sandra Bullock (ok not really but I’ve proven my point I hope)… yes we have reactions—even if it’s to roll our eyes and say who care’s—but we move the fuck on ‘cause we learned a long time ago that: Santa isn’t real, the Easter bunny ain’t shit, and the tooth fairy (who never even existed in my life) would really be nothing more than a creepy bitch for taking little kids teeth.

All on the same strength that behind the pictures, movies etc. These “celebrities” are humans who fuck up everyday just like us. Only they have millions of people watching. If someone IS devastated, well than *hugs* to you … if someone (like me) isn’t well *nod* right on… At the end of the day, everyone has the right to care, or not care as they see fit! Trashing each other for it? Well damn, did I miss a time warp where not only was freedom of speech but freedom of THOUGHT was band as well? I must have… 

So, what’s my thought you might wonder… It’s simple really… I don’t give a shit! *shrug*

___________________________________________________________________

Revised: 7/27/12  Okay, I lied, there is something about all this that I DO care about… The “Blame Game” … All I’ll add is–and this is to the angry/devastated folk that I want to hug– if you ARE wanting to light the pitch forks and this that or that other, don’t forget to spread the “hate” and “blame” around … ‘Cause last I checked, the saying was: “It takes 2 to tango” 😉

Flaming- What’s the point?

5 Jul

For the LIFE OF ME … I can not understand the point in flaming people!

For those who may not know what a flame is— in the literary world it’s an intentionally hurtful/ malice review on someone’s body of work. I don’t know if that’s the actual definition, but you get the picture.

Now, this isn’t to be confused with politely and in a constructive way voicing your dislike for something or your opposing viewpoint of something.  After all not every book, blog, magazine article etc. is compiled with everyone in mind.

I, for one, have never read the Wall St. Journal, and probably never will.

Therefore, I am not the target audience.  So a flamer, to me, is someone who goes out scouting material not meant for them— in which they already know they will not like—all for the purpose of bashing the authors and their integrity, creativity, character, education, you name it—they bash it.

So this is what I ask: What’s the point?

What do you flamers get out of leaving nasty and hurtful reviews for people? Is it something that helps you sleep better at night? Make you feel big like you accomplished something? Do you feel like you’re doing a public service and speaking out for the weaklings who might not “have the balls to admit that they are really thinking?”

This is all kidding aside… I am DYING to understand it.

Now, I’ll admit I’ve been pretty lucky. With the exception of a few people stating that my characters may be a bitch, dense, or vapid … or that my blog has no rhyme or reason to it (*snort* I already told people my blog is about everything and nothing but whatever) … No one has come through and ripped me to the core in how much my family sucks, how I’m going to hell, or how I should never write again. (I’m sure that will change but whatever)

However, something people on the outside tend not to realize is that we bloggers, writers, etc.  are VERY much protective of each other because in simple terms: We know the struggle.

So, no, I haven’t gotten the worst of the flaming (yet) but having to see, read, or hear about fellow writers and bloggers going through this,  I feel it and again: I will never understand the point.

Yes, we put our works and thoughts out there to be judge and criticized, I get it, and it’s the nature of the beast. But to tell someone you don’t like their story or characters, or their blog— is not to tell them how horrible of a person they are, or how they or their families will rot in hell, or to threaten them or WORSE … when they post about a tragic event on a blog for you to call them LIARS, hate on them, or wish harm on them and their families during a tragic time.

For those who don’t know what it’s like … I would love for you to live inside the mind of a writer (aspiring or not) just for one day and see if you can come out on the other side sane. Those characters you read about—the ones you love to hate, or hate to the love? That murderer, that victim— yeah, they all lived in our minds for an insurmountable amount of time before we were able to put them on paper. You don’t like them fine. But you don’t know the man or woman behind the screen, the story that we may have lost sleep or shed tears over. Yet you sit behind your anonymity and exist solely to tear us down.

So I am asking, begging, for you all to enlighten me. As most flamers tend to hide behind their screens, never wanting to reveal their identities—have no fears you don’t have to sign in to comment under my posts.

I mean, GOD FORBID you have to actually take back the shit you dish out, huh?

%d bloggers like this: