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“FAT NIGGER!” … that’s what I was called today.

29 Oct

By whom? I don’t know.

It was random.

It came from a stranger.

And I’m yet to decide how I truly feel about it.

Initially, I had no reaction. I was walking around during my lunch break and as I was waiting on the sidewalk for my turn to cross the street, a passerby yelled it from a car.

I didn’t look up. I didn’t even flinch. A part of it was because it took a minute to register what they said. The other was because I’ve learned—or I’m trying to learn, I should say—to school my initial reactions to people. I’m the one who talks back. The person who’s quick to roll their eyes at a comment without realizing it, or have a sarcastic reply.

Yet, in this situation, I felt nothing. No desire to retort. I was completely numb. 

For about five minutes.

When I walked back into work, my hand was shaking slightly as it all settled in. And when I told everyone what just happened, in the midst of their anger, the first thing I said was, “I’m not even that fat!”

I don’t know where that came from, but it truly didn’t even come from a place of trying to be funny.

And I still can’t figure out why the fat part of the comment bothered me more.

I mean, I know I’m black. I’ve been black since the day I was born. Because of that, I know there are people who will automatically dislike me.

They will quickly judge and decide that I’m not good enough.

That I’m not educated.

Or I’m ghetto.

Is it okay? No, of course not. But it is what it is.

Every day, all around us, there are reminders of how long we’ve come as a society coupled with instances of how much longer we have to go.

I’m not blind to the ignorance of the world.

I haven’t been since the second grade when a kid called me a ‘Negro’ but didn’t get in trouble no matter how much he hurt my feelings.

I haven’t been blind to it since earlier years when people would tell me I “sound like a white girl.” 

And I wasn’t blind to it today, when I was minding my business and had to be reminded that—by societies standards—I’m not only FAT but I’m a NIGGER.

I’m not as angry as some are or would be. In part, I’m actually kind of thankful it was said to me. I know had it been said to some others, they wouldn’t have been able to handle it. Going on with their day as if it never happened wouldn’t be an option.

It would have turned them cold, maybe even bitter.

Thankfully, that’s not going to happen here because I know I can’t change the way ignorant people think.

Today was one of the first times I’ve realized, truly, that my skin color doesn’t define me.

It’s not what they call you—it’s what you answer to.

I’ve never been slim. So yes, I might be fat.

But a nigger I am not.

I’m a strong black woman.      

And that’s okay!

Maybe one day it will be okay with everyone, too!

 NoHate

Humility Never Goes out of Style

8 Apr

So stay humble! That’s my message for today.

Why—where did this come from you wonder? Where else: Social Media.

Now, I don’t consider myself a Social Media junkie. Not in the least. I do have a Twitter, Facebook, and of course this blog … but that’s about it.

From time to time I’ll follow a friend’s Tumblr link. Look at a picture of something on pinterest, or stumble on something funny or informative on a friends livejournal……..

Okay, so maybe I’m a closet junkie—a lurker if you will.

But that’s okay … that’s what they’re there for after all, right?

Yes and No! Some people seem to have forgotten about the ‘Social’ part of social media.

Just go on Twitter. Go ahead—for a few minutes. Not to converse with anyone, but just to observe. Did you look? How many links did you notice vs. conversations? Not just spamming, but so many hashtags you thought someone was trying to bust out an epic game of tic-tac-toe?

How many “twitter celebrities” did you peep shouting “Follow back” “ifollow” etc. only they have thousands of followers, and are only following 10 people?

How many one-sided conversations did you see where the recipient is simply not responding?

A lot more of those than Socializing, huh?

Now check Facebook. Same thing? Not surprised.

It’s like a phenomenon I’ve noticed. (or has it always been that way and I’ve just never realized?) Where pod people have invaded what’s supposed to be fun ways to connect with others for … what? Personal gain? Ego boosting? Sales and marketing?

Now, I respect the hustle. These sites are a sure fire way to ‘get the word out’ about your products, skills, etc. but it seems a lot of people want something, but don’t give back in return. Why oh WHY would I ever RT your –spam– promo link when you haven’t said a word to me, or anyone else for that matter. Ever. If all your TL shows is the same tweet or post over and over. You’re clearly a robot or have scheduled the same tweet with no intention on helping anyone but yourself. That makes you lazy. It also makes you very lame and selfish. (Sorry, yeah I went there).

This isn’t to say you should or have to follow everyone who follows you (Twitter has limits on how many you can follow anyway) or repost everyone of your friend’s tumblr’s or pins (whatever you call it) or like all their statuses, and pics, and links and I’m just getting a headache thinking about it ’cause some people just OD… But when you’re like that with everyone? Thinking you’re just too good … Lifts up a judging eyebrow at you.

Not cool.

In this day and age there are a lot of people making being an asshole seem like the ‘in thing to do’… they’re lying to you. Kanye gets away with it ’cause he’s Kanye. And really how many people can even stand him anymore? (Sorry to call you out, my dude. But you know you’re a dick sometimes) …

I follow an author on Facebook who has over 200k likes on her page… She somehow finds time to communicate with as many readers as she can… offering advice etc. or just answering as a whole because … well, she’s not a machine and can’t answer everyone.

While I don’t follow many (if any celebrities on twitter) some of the people I follow have an upwards of tens of thousands of followers. One no name guy has over 80k followers—don’t ask me how he got them (though he also follows that much) and if you scroll down his TL (not all of his tweets are savory) he’s not a bot and actually has conversations with many different people.

Those are just two examples, but it’s just the point that it makes me scratch my head when nobodies act like they’re … well, somebody. Is this post bordering on harsh? Catty, even? Shrugs probably, but I felt the need to say it.

Arrogance isn’t admirable.

The cockiness isn’t cute.

If you think you’re too good to be social—chances are you’re not.

I don’t care what your title is. Being humble earns more respect any day of the week in my book.

Why Are Women Sexist Toward Women?

12 Feb

Sexism is defined as “Prejudice or discrimination based on sex.” According to Merriam-Webster online dictionary. That is.

***

 

With that in mind—I have to admit that— I do have a form of sexism toward women. I say a form because, in my eyes, everything exists on different levels.

My fault is: I hold women to too high of standards when it comes to certain professions.

It’s true.

When I see a woman “breaking the mold” so to speak, making it in a field mostly dominated by men—my need to be able to shout “YOU GO GIRL!” at the top of my lungs, comes with unrealistic expectations, and I can admit that.

For example, when I see women succeed, I cheer! Hard! I dance, and applaud and smile, and say she got one for the team! My support is unwavering and when they fail, it hurts me deeply for them.

Now, the downfall of this is where my ‘sexism’ comes into play. Just because I support it, or you, as a woman—doesn’t mean I personally like you. And like I said, my expectations are high. Even higher than it is for men.

Does that make sense?

For example—there are certain female actresses, singers, authors, dancers, movie producers, athletes … really, you name it, that I can’t stand the sight of their faces or the mention of their names.

I’m human—don’t judge me.

In my eyes they have to come harder, come brighter, write better, and play stronger than the average person. I’m a women after all, and I expect the best from my kind.

So when women expect a chance, expect the kudos, and expect certain opportunities just because they’re a woman—it really want to smack the taste out of their mouths. Affectionately of course  😉

Because I see it’s gotten to the point where a lot of women expect things to be handed to them because they have vagina’s, NOT because they’ve worked for them.

I’m not sure where this sense of entitlement has come from.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t want them to succeed? Quite the opposite, actually, as a woman I need them to succeed.

But am I wrong for not liking them? No.

Am I wrong for not fangirling and fawning over whatever they put out? No. I don’t think so.

On the opposite side of the spectrum is it wrong if I were to say completely withdraw my support for an institution because of a specific woman—just because she’s a woman. You bet your ass it is!

See … I’m not one of the people who expect others to simply fall in line under the guise of camaraderie. (You can save your fake support for someone who has time for the fakery)… You don’t need to like me just because anatomically we’re forced to share the same public bathroom.

And I personally don’t like the idea that I have to support someone, be there for them, or even like their nonsense just because they’re a woman.

No for the women who want equality, they can stand to not be liked just like anyone else.

But for those who feel like withdrawing their support just because this person is a woman … well, I feel sorry for them.

I would really hate for the day when someone doesn’t like you, or support you just because you don’t have a dick.

Shame ain’t it?

 

Just Say … Whatever you want to say to Drugs

6 Feb

So the next question of the challenge is in regards to my view on “Drugs and Alcohol.”

Riiiigggggghhhttt . . . Umm–is it passive aggressive for me to say I don’t have a view on it? ‘Cause I don’t.

Maybe I should. Maybe I should use this as a platform to spout all the FDA regulations, the laws, the consequences on your body and blah, blah, blah.

But I won’t.

I can’t.

Because I’m not your mother.

It’s 2013; though this argument stands true for the past decade or so. “This is your brain; this is your brain on drugs.” Remember those commercials… I do!

Gone are the days where they “unknowingly” put Cocaine in coca-cola products; not knowing it’s addictive nature and such.

We ALL know, by now, the result drugs  can have on your body. Your life. And those around you.

I don’t support drugs (or not-support them) any more than I do smoking cigarettes. Because, not sure if your heard, but whispers, “Smoking causes lung cancer.”

Why I never . . .

Exactly!

We know, we all know, what the deal is. Yet, they do it anyway. It’s not my job to spout my views on the topic. I don’t do drugs. I know people who have. People who’ve become addicted, people who’ve only done it socially, and yes people who’ve sold it.

Was it hard to see them suffer through this “addiction” and “disease”—yes it was. But it was even harder for me to sympathize when they lost people who loved them, or worse : ended  up in jail. WHY? ‘Cause they knew what they were getting themselves into and did it anyway!

So my view … if you know what it’s going to do to you, but you choose to do it anyway … well, you know the saying you’ve made your bed now you have to lie in it? Yup!

That’s my stance! What’s yours?

Sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G

31 Jan

Challenge question of the Day . . . “Your last kiss.”

See–that’s kinda too vague for people whose minds think like mine!

Does this refer to the date, time, and place of my last kiss?

Who the last kiss was with?

What I was thinking during said last kiss? The possibilities are endless! But I’ll tackle it anyway.

So … lemme tell you a story!

I haven’t been kissed in a while. Whispers, “really it’s been MONTHS (see: almost a year) True facts, people! Sad but true!

And it . . . left A LOT to be desired!

I had friends in town visiting, right! And over this particular weekend there was way more alcohol consumed than there was food.

Really, a lot of it is still a blur! And it was my proverbial, “I’m too old for this shit!” moment. I haven’t done that again, and have no desire to, either.

Anyway, on this “weekend” for some reason I was feeling a little good about myself. (You know those times) … I flirted it up, wore cute little outfits. Swam in a pool (or at least pretended to because I don’t know how to swim. DON’T JUDGE ME!) and . . . yeah. It felt like I was young and on Spring Break all over again.

The drinks were a flowing, the guys were a guying, and I (Lolo) felt like I was on top of my game.

Enter guy # 1 *sigh* Yup! I spent almost all day flirting with a downright cutie patutie. He had potential, girls! And really, he was gonna get it!

But then *gasp* enter THE VILLIAN of the story!

Okay, maybe he wasn’t a ‘villain’ per se … but it’s my story!

This guy (ugh) definitely shouldn’t have went there with him again. AT ALL! But he had something over our cutie patutie! Yes, yes–the villain and I  had history!!

I felt more comfortable taking things . . . elsewhere . . . with someone who I’d been, uh . . . elsewhere with before! Catch my drift?

It was terrible! On all fronts and such a big mistake. I never saw cutie patutie again after the weekend… (Though I could if I wanted to because we have mutual friends) and I sure as shit, stayed the hell away from villain afterward.

So . . . yeah, my last kiss—my last TWO kisses, were on the same day!

I should be ashamed of myself.

I’m not. 😀

When was YOUR last kiss?

 

 

Don’t worry . . . sometimes people just cheat

27 Jan

I’m combining the topics for day 7 and 8 today!

Day 7: Your opinion on cheating on people 

I can’t with this topic today! I had a very emotional conversation with someone from my past, and I’m way too spent to think about exes, and cheating and why people do it. Funnily enough, I just discussed this with a fellow blogger just yesterday … and really people cheat because they can. That’s how I see it. If you want to take a look at a man’s perspective of things, feel free to check out this blog post by: Date Advice Guy

Day 8: Something you’re currently worrying about!?

EVERYTHING!! 

Honestly, I’m a worry wart right now. I worry about my friends well-being. I worry about my families health. I worry about my career–where I’ll be in 5 years. If I’ll end up alone. Really, I’m in a morose mood 😦 so I’m just worrying!

YEAH THIS IS WHERE I’M AT TODAY

 

Sorry ya’ll didn’t get the peppy, sarcastic, and snarky/smart-assish Lolo … we all have our days, right!?

 

Do you like me? Check Yes or No! #Blog Challenge Day 6

27 Jan

The person you like and why you like them …

Oh, where to begin–where to begin???

Well, for starters, let me preface this by saying I’m currently not “In like” with anyone. ‘Tis sad but true!

I mean … there’s this one guy! He’s my kryptonite and after a few years (see decades) I still haven’t been able to shake him, but I hardly think he counts anymore. I’ve resigned myself to the fact he and I will live in a constant state of “what if” until we’re old and gray, and married to other people!

Anyway!

This question made me think of the simple days, ya know! Before life and dating made us  hip to the feelings of hardcore rejection, hurt and betrayal. When going out on a limb wasn’t met with so much fear. When shit wasn’t so damn complicated!

We have A MILLION ways to communicate now a days! Ways in which some of us couldn’t fathom when we were younger. I mean … some of  us were pretty sure the world would end LONG before we got a cell phone that can do magic tricks! (Oh, your phone doesn’t do that? Get on board–’cause mine can fly!!! … I kid, I kid).

I miss these days :

 

Things weren’t as hard–WE didn’t make things so hard. It was simple, do you like me? Yes or No!?

We didn’t know about playing hard to get.

Past experiences didn’t make us scared, bitter and/or un-trusting.

Our hearts were pure! Eager for love and friendship! Wanting to cut to the chase.

But now, we have email, Skype, Twitter, Facebook, Cell phones, Cell phone APP’s, Instant messengers, Morse code, smoke signals–really the list goes on!  And of course we can’t forget blogs!  (you have no idea how many blogs I found dedicated just to people writing letters to their exes)

Yet, I think, sadly, our generation is the worst when it comes to communication.

How many people do you know who, when asked their relationship status, hits you with an, “It’s complicated?”

Every situation is different, yada-yada–but in the end I miss the days where it boiled down to the simple question.— Do you like me, yes or no?

Yes= we’re together now or friends.

No= let us know not to waste our times and move on to someone who wants us in their lives.

The memories.

 

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