Archive | Society RSS feed for this section

“FAT NIGGER!” … that’s what I was called today.

29 Oct

By whom? I don’t know.

It was random.

It came from a stranger.

And I’m yet to decide how I truly feel about it.

Initially, I had no reaction. I was walking around during my lunch break and as I was waiting on the sidewalk for my turn to cross the street, a passerby yelled it from a car.

I didn’t look up. I didn’t even flinch. A part of it was because it took a minute to register what they said. The other was because I’ve learned—or I’m trying to learn, I should say—to school my initial reactions to people. I’m the one who talks back. The person who’s quick to roll their eyes at a comment without realizing it, or have a sarcastic reply.

Yet, in this situation, I felt nothing. No desire to retort. I was completely numb. 

For about five minutes.

When I walked back into work, my hand was shaking slightly as it all settled in. And when I told everyone what just happened, in the midst of their anger, the first thing I said was, “I’m not even that fat!”

I don’t know where that came from, but it truly didn’t even come from a place of trying to be funny.

And I still can’t figure out why the fat part of the comment bothered me more.

I mean, I know I’m black. I’ve been black since the day I was born. Because of that, I know there are people who will automatically dislike me.

They will quickly judge and decide that I’m not good enough.

That I’m not educated.

Or I’m ghetto.

Is it okay? No, of course not. But it is what it is.

Every day, all around us, there are reminders of how long we’ve come as a society coupled with instances of how much longer we have to go.

I’m not blind to the ignorance of the world.

I haven’t been since the second grade when a kid called me a ‘Negro’ but didn’t get in trouble no matter how much he hurt my feelings.

I haven’t been blind to it since earlier years when people would tell me I “sound like a white girl.” 

And I wasn’t blind to it today, when I was minding my business and had to be reminded that—by societies standards—I’m not only FAT but I’m a NIGGER.

I’m not as angry as some are or would be. In part, I’m actually kind of thankful it was said to me. I know had it been said to some others, they wouldn’t have been able to handle it. Going on with their day as if it never happened wouldn’t be an option.

It would have turned them cold, maybe even bitter.

Thankfully, that’s not going to happen here because I know I can’t change the way ignorant people think.

Today was one of the first times I’ve realized, truly, that my skin color doesn’t define me.

It’s not what they call you—it’s what you answer to.

I’ve never been slim. So yes, I might be fat.

But a nigger I am not.

I’m a strong black woman.      

And that’s okay!

Maybe one day it will be okay with everyone, too!

 NoHate

Why Are Women Sexist Toward Women?

12 Feb

Sexism is defined as “Prejudice or discrimination based on sex.” According to Merriam-Webster online dictionary. That is.

***

 

With that in mind—I have to admit that— I do have a form of sexism toward women. I say a form because, in my eyes, everything exists on different levels.

My fault is: I hold women to too high of standards when it comes to certain professions.

It’s true.

When I see a woman “breaking the mold” so to speak, making it in a field mostly dominated by men—my need to be able to shout “YOU GO GIRL!” at the top of my lungs, comes with unrealistic expectations, and I can admit that.

For example, when I see women succeed, I cheer! Hard! I dance, and applaud and smile, and say she got one for the team! My support is unwavering and when they fail, it hurts me deeply for them.

Now, the downfall of this is where my ‘sexism’ comes into play. Just because I support it, or you, as a woman—doesn’t mean I personally like you. And like I said, my expectations are high. Even higher than it is for men.

Does that make sense?

For example—there are certain female actresses, singers, authors, dancers, movie producers, athletes … really, you name it, that I can’t stand the sight of their faces or the mention of their names.

I’m human—don’t judge me.

In my eyes they have to come harder, come brighter, write better, and play stronger than the average person. I’m a women after all, and I expect the best from my kind.

So when women expect a chance, expect the kudos, and expect certain opportunities just because they’re a woman—it really want to smack the taste out of their mouths. Affectionately of course  😉

Because I see it’s gotten to the point where a lot of women expect things to be handed to them because they have vagina’s, NOT because they’ve worked for them.

I’m not sure where this sense of entitlement has come from.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t want them to succeed? Quite the opposite, actually, as a woman I need them to succeed.

But am I wrong for not liking them? No.

Am I wrong for not fangirling and fawning over whatever they put out? No. I don’t think so.

On the opposite side of the spectrum is it wrong if I were to say completely withdraw my support for an institution because of a specific woman—just because she’s a woman. You bet your ass it is!

See … I’m not one of the people who expect others to simply fall in line under the guise of camaraderie. (You can save your fake support for someone who has time for the fakery)… You don’t need to like me just because anatomically we’re forced to share the same public bathroom.

And I personally don’t like the idea that I have to support someone, be there for them, or even like their nonsense just because they’re a woman.

No for the women who want equality, they can stand to not be liked just like anyone else.

But for those who feel like withdrawing their support just because this person is a woman … well, I feel sorry for them.

I would really hate for the day when someone doesn’t like you, or support you just because you don’t have a dick.

Shame ain’t it?

 

Day 5: 5 things that irritate

26 Jan

Day 5:

… Or something like that!

5 things that irritate you about the opposite sex/same sex

Firstly, there is no way for me to answer this that won’t come out, in some way shape or form, like I’m man-bashing! And as for what I hate about women-folk, same rules apply! It’ll look like I really, and I mean reaaaallllyyyy, don’t like my own kind.

(I’ll plead the fifth on whether or not that’s actually the case or not)

Dave Chappelle is the man! 

Pic found on funnycorner.net

So how about I just highlight some things I don’t like about people in general??

1. The Lying Game

I don’t like people’s propensity to lie! We all tell white lies–to a degree. Maybe even omit the truth to spare someone’s feelings. But full out lies, betrayal?  Can’t stand it. Don’t see the point of it.

2. A case of mistaken identity.

Who ARE you exactly? If by a certain age, you still don’t know and are trying to find yourself– I’m all set with you! This doesn’t mean “re-inventing.” We all go through things, that might warrant a few change ups of ourselves to get through a bad time. Or realize things haven’t been working one way, so we try plan B. But if you still have no idea who you are, after you’ve been walking the earth for a few decades: We’re done here!

3. The Con-Artist

Maybe this goes with lying… I can’t be sure. But don’t just tell people what you know they want to hear to get something out of them! Not cool.

4. The perpetual whore who hates being  judged

Either own your whoredom, and shout it loud, “That you’re a whore and you’re proud!” OR close your legs and grow up. Simple as!

5. The passive aggressive motivational speaker 

“With all due respect …” Just STOP! Because everything that’s about to come out of your mouth is going to be disrespectful! You have something to say to someone? To a room full of people perhaps? Go for it! Just don’t hide behind words that are contradictory.

See even Willy Wonka called you out

 

THANK YOU FOR READING: FEEL FREE TO SHARE 5 THINGS THAT IRRITATE YOU ABOUT PEOPLE 🙂

YOU are your competition

10 Jan

On your mark . . . get set . . . wait–how about we just walk together!?

Throughout “life” we learn a lot about people but mostly, hopefully, we learn about ourselves, too!

One thing I’ve learned–and am constantly reminded of–is that I’m not a “competitive” person.

I don’t see the point.

Now … I don’t think this applies to situations when sports are involved, or let’s say two students  are vying for ONE scholarship, for example.

There are times when competition (friendly or not) is not only expected, but required!

There are other times, however, where it’s so uncalled for; when it rears it’s ugly head it makes people–like me who don’t see the need–look around, scratch their head and go, “Huh?!”

We all want success. We all want someone, anyone, and sometimes several people to tell us our goals and aspirations aren’t crazy or unattainable. The validation that WE ARE good enough. Being your own cheerleader isn’t always enough.

So how about being a cheerleader for others? Telling them “good job” and pressing forward when they’ve reached a plateau you wanted or maybe still want.

How about keeping your head up, licking your wounds and working your ass off ’til YOUR days comes and those same people you cheered for can return the favor and be in your support system. Your very own cheering section.

Here’s something else I’ve learned.

Some people do things because they love it, but come against, and in contact with those who have ulterior motives. Maybe it’s hard to watch those people succeed. Maybe you feel someone else (you, a family member, or friend) is more deserving. But at the end of the day, this may be hard to hear, but SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE clearly disagrees.

She got the part.

He scored that agent.

She doesn’t deserve that man.

He isn’t good enough for her.

They got that award.

Someone decided that person earned, or deserved what they got.

Rarely are things simply handed to people these days.

Most importantly what I’ve learned:

If shine is what you seek: Trust–there’s enough shine to go around. Period. Maybe this person’s light shines a little brighter. But look around, someone probably thinks the same thing about you. You might be blinding someone right now.

I don’t care what anyone says. YOU are your competition. YOU should strive to get better for YOU. It shouldn’t be about him, her, them or they.

Don’t waste time comparing yourself to others and looking at them as “competition” . . . that’s weak. It doesn’t matter how they got to where they are—They’re there! If that’s where you want to be . . . start looking at them as inspiration.

It’ll save you a lot more time.

~Lory

Twitter: @lolosofocused

The Root of all Evil

4 Jan

Show me the money!!

 

This may very well make me seem  like an unfeeling/insensitive and selfish asshole–but truth me told, I’m totally fine with that.

What is it you ask?

I NEVER LEND FRIENDS MONEY!

Okay, that’s not say I never have before (in the past … when I was young and dumb) but as a general rule I don’t lend. If a friend or family member is in a bind–yes I might give but loan??

^^^^^ What they said!!!^^^^

It’s just, to me, never a good idea.

I’ve seen (on TV and in real life situations) life-long ‘friendships’ get ripped to shreds all over a few hundred dollars … sometimes less.

Is that to say those few hundred dollars isn’t a lot? Hell no! And that’s the point:

“It’s never smart to lend money in which you can’t afford to simple give away”

While, I’m sure I’ve paraphrased the quote in some way and I’m not sure who said that, but BY GOD that’s some of the best advice ever.

Personally, I can’t afford to just hand  over several bills to someone (Sallie Mae has me by the balls enough)… which, again, is why I won’t. If I’m going to miss it–than it stays with me. There are SO MANY ways to help out a friend that don’t involve handing them over your cold hard cash. ‘Cause as luck would have it 9/10 times, the minute you hand it over, something will come up the next day to make you regret it!

If the friend is a good friend {I sure hope they are if you were contemplating giving them money} they should and will appreciate your time. Your love. Your comfort.

Offer to babysit the kids to give them some free time, offer them a ride if their car is 2.5 seconds away from draining their bank account. Cook them some nice dinner if they are down, out, and without. Hell, even offer to buy the groceries for them. Help clean, paint, redecorate their house. Lend them something to wear. Really–the list goes on, but value what you have and who you can be for them. It shouldn’t just be about what you can GIVE them and vice  versa.

Because in the struggles I’ve faced in life … I remember the friends who gave me their TIME  and a meal, long before the ones who threw five bucks my way to get something to eat and sent me on my way.

Food for thought …

Santa Claus isn’t real…

26 Jul

… And celebrities are human.

Gasp! Who knew!

Ok, I’m sorry but those who know me, know I never miss the opportunity to let my sarcasm shine. So, I had to have that one, thanks for understanding.

Those who know me, also know that I’m a huge ‘Twilight’ fan—don’t judge me! Lol

With that said, I’m sure people are wondering what my thoughts are on this whole Kristen Stewart cheating on Rob Pattinson issue.

I’ll answer about my feelings (or lack thereof) momentarily…

What I would like to comment on, first, is people’s reactions to shit like this. I honestly don’t get it. I mean, hey I’m not one to pass judgment ‘cause I, too, perpetuate the vicious cycle of “Celebrity Gossip” by looking online at the rag mags, and wondering “what the hell he/she was wearing at said event.”  Or “wow I really can’t believe she’s having an alien’s baby”—(more sarcasm)… but you know what I do at the end of the day: I sleep just fine, and forget about these people who don’t know I exist, and probably never will.  

I also take everything I read with a grain of salt.

The same can’t be said for everyone, though, especially over social media, because for the past few days my Facebook and Twitter have blown up into a shit storm of hate and ugliness that’s surprised even me. And trust me; I’ve seen some hate and ugliness in my life—I mean, who hasn’t right?

I’ve seen “friends” turning on each other, battle swords drawn, and insults being flung around to the extreme. All in the name of how people feel others should be reacting. 

At one point I had to take a step back and say to myself:  “Self? Is this what die-hard—or in this case Twi-hard—fans, are supposed to do? Pull out the pitch forks; argue with not just each other but media outlets as well? Could it be, that I Lolo am not as much of a fan as I’ve proclaimed?”  No this can’t be… I continued. “Of course I’m a fan, I even write Fanfiction for it for crying out loud”—so what is it? Why am I not devastated and cursing the skies of the injustice of it all?

I’m not kidding, I really wondered (if only for a brief second) why I didn’t care.

And then I remembered why none of this has fazed me—at least not to the extent it should. I mean, I’m human after all– so even I had a minor reaction; shit didn’t you at least snort when you found out about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes? That’s a reaction!

Or what about Will and Jada? Another reaction…

Honestly I’m still a little broken for Sandra Bullock (ok not really but I’ve proven my point I hope)… yes we have reactions—even if it’s to roll our eyes and say who care’s—but we move the fuck on ‘cause we learned a long time ago that: Santa isn’t real, the Easter bunny ain’t shit, and the tooth fairy (who never even existed in my life) would really be nothing more than a creepy bitch for taking little kids teeth.

All on the same strength that behind the pictures, movies etc. These “celebrities” are humans who fuck up everyday just like us. Only they have millions of people watching. If someone IS devastated, well than *hugs* to you … if someone (like me) isn’t well *nod* right on… At the end of the day, everyone has the right to care, or not care as they see fit! Trashing each other for it? Well damn, did I miss a time warp where not only was freedom of speech but freedom of THOUGHT was band as well? I must have… 

So, what’s my thought you might wonder… It’s simple really… I don’t give a shit! *shrug*

___________________________________________________________________

Revised: 7/27/12  Okay, I lied, there is something about all this that I DO care about… The “Blame Game” … All I’ll add is–and this is to the angry/devastated folk that I want to hug– if you ARE wanting to light the pitch forks and this that or that other, don’t forget to spread the “hate” and “blame” around … ‘Cause last I checked, the saying was: “It takes 2 to tango” 😉

Flaming- What’s the point?

5 Jul

For the LIFE OF ME … I can not understand the point in flaming people!

For those who may not know what a flame is— in the literary world it’s an intentionally hurtful/ malice review on someone’s body of work. I don’t know if that’s the actual definition, but you get the picture.

Now, this isn’t to be confused with politely and in a constructive way voicing your dislike for something or your opposing viewpoint of something.  After all not every book, blog, magazine article etc. is compiled with everyone in mind.

I, for one, have never read the Wall St. Journal, and probably never will.

Therefore, I am not the target audience.  So a flamer, to me, is someone who goes out scouting material not meant for them— in which they already know they will not like—all for the purpose of bashing the authors and their integrity, creativity, character, education, you name it—they bash it.

So this is what I ask: What’s the point?

What do you flamers get out of leaving nasty and hurtful reviews for people? Is it something that helps you sleep better at night? Make you feel big like you accomplished something? Do you feel like you’re doing a public service and speaking out for the weaklings who might not “have the balls to admit that they are really thinking?”

This is all kidding aside… I am DYING to understand it.

Now, I’ll admit I’ve been pretty lucky. With the exception of a few people stating that my characters may be a bitch, dense, or vapid … or that my blog has no rhyme or reason to it (*snort* I already told people my blog is about everything and nothing but whatever) … No one has come through and ripped me to the core in how much my family sucks, how I’m going to hell, or how I should never write again. (I’m sure that will change but whatever)

However, something people on the outside tend not to realize is that we bloggers, writers, etc.  are VERY much protective of each other because in simple terms: We know the struggle.

So, no, I haven’t gotten the worst of the flaming (yet) but having to see, read, or hear about fellow writers and bloggers going through this,  I feel it and again: I will never understand the point.

Yes, we put our works and thoughts out there to be judge and criticized, I get it, and it’s the nature of the beast. But to tell someone you don’t like their story or characters, or their blog— is not to tell them how horrible of a person they are, or how they or their families will rot in hell, or to threaten them or WORSE … when they post about a tragic event on a blog for you to call them LIARS, hate on them, or wish harm on them and their families during a tragic time.

For those who don’t know what it’s like … I would love for you to live inside the mind of a writer (aspiring or not) just for one day and see if you can come out on the other side sane. Those characters you read about—the ones you love to hate, or hate to the love? That murderer, that victim— yeah, they all lived in our minds for an insurmountable amount of time before we were able to put them on paper. You don’t like them fine. But you don’t know the man or woman behind the screen, the story that we may have lost sleep or shed tears over. Yet you sit behind your anonymity and exist solely to tear us down.

So I am asking, begging, for you all to enlighten me. As most flamers tend to hide behind their screens, never wanting to reveal their identities—have no fears you don’t have to sign in to comment under my posts.

I mean, GOD FORBID you have to actually take back the shit you dish out, huh?

%d bloggers like this: