Tag Archives: Advice

Why Are Women Sexist Toward Women?

12 Feb

Sexism is defined as “Prejudice or discrimination based on sex.” According to Merriam-Webster online dictionary. That is.

***

 

With that in mind—I have to admit that— I do have a form of sexism toward women. I say a form because, in my eyes, everything exists on different levels.

My fault is: I hold women to too high of standards when it comes to certain professions.

It’s true.

When I see a woman “breaking the mold” so to speak, making it in a field mostly dominated by men—my need to be able to shout “YOU GO GIRL!” at the top of my lungs, comes with unrealistic expectations, and I can admit that.

For example, when I see women succeed, I cheer! Hard! I dance, and applaud and smile, and say she got one for the team! My support is unwavering and when they fail, it hurts me deeply for them.

Now, the downfall of this is where my ‘sexism’ comes into play. Just because I support it, or you, as a woman—doesn’t mean I personally like you. And like I said, my expectations are high. Even higher than it is for men.

Does that make sense?

For example—there are certain female actresses, singers, authors, dancers, movie producers, athletes … really, you name it, that I can’t stand the sight of their faces or the mention of their names.

I’m human—don’t judge me.

In my eyes they have to come harder, come brighter, write better, and play stronger than the average person. I’m a women after all, and I expect the best from my kind.

So when women expect a chance, expect the kudos, and expect certain opportunities just because they’re a woman—it really want to smack the taste out of their mouths. Affectionately of course  😉

Because I see it’s gotten to the point where a lot of women expect things to be handed to them because they have vagina’s, NOT because they’ve worked for them.

I’m not sure where this sense of entitlement has come from.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t want them to succeed? Quite the opposite, actually, as a woman I need them to succeed.

But am I wrong for not liking them? No.

Am I wrong for not fangirling and fawning over whatever they put out? No. I don’t think so.

On the opposite side of the spectrum is it wrong if I were to say completely withdraw my support for an institution because of a specific woman—just because she’s a woman. You bet your ass it is!

See … I’m not one of the people who expect others to simply fall in line under the guise of camaraderie. (You can save your fake support for someone who has time for the fakery)… You don’t need to like me just because anatomically we’re forced to share the same public bathroom.

And I personally don’t like the idea that I have to support someone, be there for them, or even like their nonsense just because they’re a woman.

No for the women who want equality, they can stand to not be liked just like anyone else.

But for those who feel like withdrawing their support just because this person is a woman … well, I feel sorry for them.

I would really hate for the day when someone doesn’t like you, or support you just because you don’t have a dick.

Shame ain’t it?

 

Sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G

31 Jan

Challenge question of the Day . . . “Your last kiss.”

See–that’s kinda too vague for people whose minds think like mine!

Does this refer to the date, time, and place of my last kiss?

Who the last kiss was with?

What I was thinking during said last kiss? The possibilities are endless! But I’ll tackle it anyway.

So … lemme tell you a story!

I haven’t been kissed in a while. Whispers, “really it’s been MONTHS (see: almost a year) True facts, people! Sad but true!

And it . . . left A LOT to be desired!

I had friends in town visiting, right! And over this particular weekend there was way more alcohol consumed than there was food.

Really, a lot of it is still a blur! And it was my proverbial, “I’m too old for this shit!” moment. I haven’t done that again, and have no desire to, either.

Anyway, on this “weekend” for some reason I was feeling a little good about myself. (You know those times) … I flirted it up, wore cute little outfits. Swam in a pool (or at least pretended to because I don’t know how to swim. DON’T JUDGE ME!) and . . . yeah. It felt like I was young and on Spring Break all over again.

The drinks were a flowing, the guys were a guying, and I (Lolo) felt like I was on top of my game.

Enter guy # 1 *sigh* Yup! I spent almost all day flirting with a downright cutie patutie. He had potential, girls! And really, he was gonna get it!

But then *gasp* enter THE VILLIAN of the story!

Okay, maybe he wasn’t a ‘villain’ per se … but it’s my story!

This guy (ugh) definitely shouldn’t have went there with him again. AT ALL! But he had something over our cutie patutie! Yes, yes–the villain and I  had history!!

I felt more comfortable taking things . . . elsewhere . . . with someone who I’d been, uh . . . elsewhere with before! Catch my drift?

It was terrible! On all fronts and such a big mistake. I never saw cutie patutie again after the weekend… (Though I could if I wanted to because we have mutual friends) and I sure as shit, stayed the hell away from villain afterward.

So . . . yeah, my last kiss—my last TWO kisses, were on the same day!

I should be ashamed of myself.

I’m not. 😀

When was YOUR last kiss?

 

 

Do you like me? Check Yes or No! #Blog Challenge Day 6

27 Jan

The person you like and why you like them …

Oh, where to begin–where to begin???

Well, for starters, let me preface this by saying I’m currently not “In like” with anyone. ‘Tis sad but true!

I mean … there’s this one guy! He’s my kryptonite and after a few years (see decades) I still haven’t been able to shake him, but I hardly think he counts anymore. I’ve resigned myself to the fact he and I will live in a constant state of “what if” until we’re old and gray, and married to other people!

Anyway!

This question made me think of the simple days, ya know! Before life and dating made us  hip to the feelings of hardcore rejection, hurt and betrayal. When going out on a limb wasn’t met with so much fear. When shit wasn’t so damn complicated!

We have A MILLION ways to communicate now a days! Ways in which some of us couldn’t fathom when we were younger. I mean … some of  us were pretty sure the world would end LONG before we got a cell phone that can do magic tricks! (Oh, your phone doesn’t do that? Get on board–’cause mine can fly!!! … I kid, I kid).

I miss these days :

 

Things weren’t as hard–WE didn’t make things so hard. It was simple, do you like me? Yes or No!?

We didn’t know about playing hard to get.

Past experiences didn’t make us scared, bitter and/or un-trusting.

Our hearts were pure! Eager for love and friendship! Wanting to cut to the chase.

But now, we have email, Skype, Twitter, Facebook, Cell phones, Cell phone APP’s, Instant messengers, Morse code, smoke signals–really the list goes on!  And of course we can’t forget blogs!  (you have no idea how many blogs I found dedicated just to people writing letters to their exes)

Yet, I think, sadly, our generation is the worst when it comes to communication.

How many people do you know who, when asked their relationship status, hits you with an, “It’s complicated?”

Every situation is different, yada-yada–but in the end I miss the days where it boiled down to the simple question.— Do you like me, yes or no?

Yes= we’re together now or friends.

No= let us know not to waste our times and move on to someone who wants us in their lives.

The memories.

 

Save the Facebook drama for your mama!

16 Jan

 

I’ve come to a realization (seems a normal occurrence for me these days, huh?) That I am by far a bigger bitch in real life than I will ever be online…

In real life– I detest drama, but when the time comes I’ll admit, I don’t shy away from a [healthy] argument. Its good for the soul. And I have no shame admitting I’m one of those people who: come hell or high water, if I have a point–SOMEONE is gonna hear it! I don’t even care if the argument was over hours ago, either. 😀

But online!? Sorry to break the bad news, but no matter how much you shouty caps at someone you won’t caps lock them to death. It doesn’t make your point come across clearer, and really just makes you look like a dumb ass… #dontkillthemessenger — I’m just saying!!

I can hear an argument going on in real life and not bat an eyelash… See two people throwing down and walk by them as if its an everyday thing, but online?

Ohhhh!!!
Nothing will make me run for the metaphorical hills (aka unfriend, unfollow, block, ignore) someone quicker than the ever present bitch fests and cat fights! I’m allergic to online mayhem: it literally makes me cringe and grimace.

Obviously, we all have our moments and days where we really just need to let out a good rant… But after that, most of us move the hell on!

Some people though– wowzers!! Really, what they need is Dr. Phil. Not a slew of online friends, who don’t really know them, giving a shit ton of useless advice they haven’t and would never use themselves!

Which brings me to my next point of just … Really?! WHO exactly are you arguing with? *scratches chin* that person whose only connection to you is the fact you’ve clicked ‘like’ on some of the same pictures or post?! Maybe commented on the same thread!? Wow, ya’ll go way back, huh?

This is another reason I’m more prone to bitch someone out in RL rather than online.  My friends and family know me.  They know my quirks, ins and outs, what makes me tick–and at the end of day: That we’ll move past our arguments ’cause deep down we love each other. For real!

Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr and all that isn’t real to me. You only know someone (for real) when they’re a constant present in your everyday real life. And even then you only know so much.

If I have an issue with someone that just needs to be hashed out– I’ll email them, call, text, skype, pm etc. If I don’t have the means to contact them in those other ways: the reality is I probably don’t know them well enough to get into online scuffles with them in the first place.

So when you just have that urge to ‘put someone in their place’ and I mean ALL THE TIME– please realize you’re not a Facebook Thug and no one fears you.

We roll our eyes.

Laugh at you.

Then while un-friending and blocking– we do both of the above.

The Root of all Evil

4 Jan

Show me the money!!

 

This may very well make me seem  like an unfeeling/insensitive and selfish asshole–but truth me told, I’m totally fine with that.

What is it you ask?

I NEVER LEND FRIENDS MONEY!

Okay, that’s not say I never have before (in the past … when I was young and dumb) but as a general rule I don’t lend. If a friend or family member is in a bind–yes I might give but loan??

^^^^^ What they said!!!^^^^

It’s just, to me, never a good idea.

I’ve seen (on TV and in real life situations) life-long ‘friendships’ get ripped to shreds all over a few hundred dollars … sometimes less.

Is that to say those few hundred dollars isn’t a lot? Hell no! And that’s the point:

“It’s never smart to lend money in which you can’t afford to simple give away”

While, I’m sure I’ve paraphrased the quote in some way and I’m not sure who said that, but BY GOD that’s some of the best advice ever.

Personally, I can’t afford to just hand  over several bills to someone (Sallie Mae has me by the balls enough)… which, again, is why I won’t. If I’m going to miss it–than it stays with me. There are SO MANY ways to help out a friend that don’t involve handing them over your cold hard cash. ‘Cause as luck would have it 9/10 times, the minute you hand it over, something will come up the next day to make you regret it!

If the friend is a good friend {I sure hope they are if you were contemplating giving them money} they should and will appreciate your time. Your love. Your comfort.

Offer to babysit the kids to give them some free time, offer them a ride if their car is 2.5 seconds away from draining their bank account. Cook them some nice dinner if they are down, out, and without. Hell, even offer to buy the groceries for them. Help clean, paint, redecorate their house. Lend them something to wear. Really–the list goes on, but value what you have and who you can be for them. It shouldn’t just be about what you can GIVE them and vice  versa.

Because in the struggles I’ve faced in life … I remember the friends who gave me their TIME  and a meal, long before the ones who threw five bucks my way to get something to eat and sent me on my way.

Food for thought …

Movie Theater Etiquette

8 Jul

OK,  movie goer’s … It’s time we have a serious talk!

For starters, let me explain a little bit about my life, and what I do, in order for you to understand how important this post is to me.

Once upon a time (not even a full 2 years ago) I had “a life.”  I went out every weekend— to a party, a club, a bal (aka a small concert in the Haitian world), out of town to NY, and the likes … I was everywhere and anywhere!

As most of you know, though, thanks to a little something called Seronegative Spondyloarthropathy in which I discussed in a post many moons ago  “Me and my Arthritis- 5 things I learned”  All that fun loving, and club hopping came to an abrupt end.

My hips don’t lie and , literally,  just can’t take it anymore!  Anywho!

Fast Forward to my life (or lack thereof) now.

One of the only things I do as a form of  “Going out” is to actually go to the movies!  I’ve been, just about every weekend or every other weekend in the past few months, and pretty much have my weekends for the rest of the year planned out as to what movies I will be seeing… (Yes I’m a nerd– Don’t judge me).

MOVING RIGHT ALONG!

With that said there are just some things that have been —what’s the word?— Ah yes, INFLICTED on me that I just don’t see the use for. Common courtesy and common sense, are clearly a thing of the past, so I am here my dear friends to beg (see: enlighten) you on things that I really don’t think are fair to those around you.

1. FEET- *shudder* I hate feet! I hate feet with a passion deep in my soul that I just can’t explain.  Sometimes, (back when I had money and used to get pedicures on a regular basis) I would avert my eyes as to not stare at someones crazy looking toes.

SO PLEASE! for the love of GOD,  if you absolutely MUST put your feet up on the seat in front of you (meaning my seat) Please keep your shoes on. There is no reason for me to have to see your fat, nasty, hairy big toe—Wiggling in my peripheral, when really I should be able to focus on Channing Tatum humping a stage.

2. CONTROL YOUR LAUGHTER- This one pains me because I know there is a good possibility that I to have an obnoxious laugh.  However, with this knowledge, I try my best to control it when other’s are around me.

Yes, you paid for the movie.  So, yes, you should be able to enjoy it. But so did everyone else.  So, the loud cackles, mixed with thunderous claps, and feet stomping— as if you’re in a stadium— are distracting and down right annoying. And they make it hard for everyone else to hear what the hell is going on.

Plus, sorry sir– that sat in front of us– but Madea really wasn’t THAT funny!

3. CLOTHES- Ladies! (Especially of the younger persuasion) I am SO GLAD for you that

your–whoever–brought you on a date to the movies.

However,  please dress appropriately. This isn’t you first movie,  and the concept of a theater stopped being new decades ago! So I’m pretty sure you knew, before you left the house and threw on that outfit that could rival a stripper, that it was going to be colder than a meat freezer inside.

So why do I have to see all your goodies, and then hear you complaining that it’s cold, or have the chattering of your teeth– as you catch pneumonia–ringing in my ears?

Where are you going??

 

I know you just wanted to look good for your date but sorry boo boo—  Your nakedness distracts us all, and not in a good way.

*This has been a certified rant from your’s truly*

If you have some movie theater etiquette you’d like to share with me, or just bad movie experience’s … Please feel free to rant Below! 🙂

Flaming- What’s the point?

5 Jul

For the LIFE OF ME … I can not understand the point in flaming people!

For those who may not know what a flame is— in the literary world it’s an intentionally hurtful/ malice review on someone’s body of work. I don’t know if that’s the actual definition, but you get the picture.

Now, this isn’t to be confused with politely and in a constructive way voicing your dislike for something or your opposing viewpoint of something.  After all not every book, blog, magazine article etc. is compiled with everyone in mind.

I, for one, have never read the Wall St. Journal, and probably never will.

Therefore, I am not the target audience.  So a flamer, to me, is someone who goes out scouting material not meant for them— in which they already know they will not like—all for the purpose of bashing the authors and their integrity, creativity, character, education, you name it—they bash it.

So this is what I ask: What’s the point?

What do you flamers get out of leaving nasty and hurtful reviews for people? Is it something that helps you sleep better at night? Make you feel big like you accomplished something? Do you feel like you’re doing a public service and speaking out for the weaklings who might not “have the balls to admit that they are really thinking?”

This is all kidding aside… I am DYING to understand it.

Now, I’ll admit I’ve been pretty lucky. With the exception of a few people stating that my characters may be a bitch, dense, or vapid … or that my blog has no rhyme or reason to it (*snort* I already told people my blog is about everything and nothing but whatever) … No one has come through and ripped me to the core in how much my family sucks, how I’m going to hell, or how I should never write again. (I’m sure that will change but whatever)

However, something people on the outside tend not to realize is that we bloggers, writers, etc.  are VERY much protective of each other because in simple terms: We know the struggle.

So, no, I haven’t gotten the worst of the flaming (yet) but having to see, read, or hear about fellow writers and bloggers going through this,  I feel it and again: I will never understand the point.

Yes, we put our works and thoughts out there to be judge and criticized, I get it, and it’s the nature of the beast. But to tell someone you don’t like their story or characters, or their blog— is not to tell them how horrible of a person they are, or how they or their families will rot in hell, or to threaten them or WORSE … when they post about a tragic event on a blog for you to call them LIARS, hate on them, or wish harm on them and their families during a tragic time.

For those who don’t know what it’s like … I would love for you to live inside the mind of a writer (aspiring or not) just for one day and see if you can come out on the other side sane. Those characters you read about—the ones you love to hate, or hate to the love? That murderer, that victim— yeah, they all lived in our minds for an insurmountable amount of time before we were able to put them on paper. You don’t like them fine. But you don’t know the man or woman behind the screen, the story that we may have lost sleep or shed tears over. Yet you sit behind your anonymity and exist solely to tear us down.

So I am asking, begging, for you all to enlighten me. As most flamers tend to hide behind their screens, never wanting to reveal their identities—have no fears you don’t have to sign in to comment under my posts.

I mean, GOD FORBID you have to actually take back the shit you dish out, huh?

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