Tag Archives: community

“FAT NIGGER!” … that’s what I was called today.

29 Oct

By whom? I don’t know.

It was random.

It came from a stranger.

And I’m yet to decide how I truly feel about it.

Initially, I had no reaction. I was walking around during my lunch break and as I was waiting on the sidewalk for my turn to cross the street, a passerby yelled it from a car.

I didn’t look up. I didn’t even flinch. A part of it was because it took a minute to register what they said. The other was because I’ve learned—or I’m trying to learn, I should say—to school my initial reactions to people. I’m the one who talks back. The person who’s quick to roll their eyes at a comment without realizing it, or have a sarcastic reply.

Yet, in this situation, I felt nothing. No desire to retort. I was completely numb. 

For about five minutes.

When I walked back into work, my hand was shaking slightly as it all settled in. And when I told everyone what just happened, in the midst of their anger, the first thing I said was, “I’m not even that fat!”

I don’t know where that came from, but it truly didn’t even come from a place of trying to be funny.

And I still can’t figure out why the fat part of the comment bothered me more.

I mean, I know I’m black. I’ve been black since the day I was born. Because of that, I know there are people who will automatically dislike me.

They will quickly judge and decide that I’m not good enough.

That I’m not educated.

Or I’m ghetto.

Is it okay? No, of course not. But it is what it is.

Every day, all around us, there are reminders of how long we’ve come as a society coupled with instances of how much longer we have to go.

I’m not blind to the ignorance of the world.

I haven’t been since the second grade when a kid called me a ‘Negro’ but didn’t get in trouble no matter how much he hurt my feelings.

I haven’t been blind to it since earlier years when people would tell me I “sound like a white girl.” 

And I wasn’t blind to it today, when I was minding my business and had to be reminded that—by societies standards—I’m not only FAT but I’m a NIGGER.

I’m not as angry as some are or would be. In part, I’m actually kind of thankful it was said to me. I know had it been said to some others, they wouldn’t have been able to handle it. Going on with their day as if it never happened wouldn’t be an option.

It would have turned them cold, maybe even bitter.

Thankfully, that’s not going to happen here because I know I can’t change the way ignorant people think.

Today was one of the first times I’ve realized, truly, that my skin color doesn’t define me.

It’s not what they call you—it’s what you answer to.

I’ve never been slim. So yes, I might be fat.

But a nigger I am not.

I’m a strong black woman.      

And that’s okay!

Maybe one day it will be okay with everyone, too!

 NoHate

Challenge: Day 2 and 3

18 Jan

So, I mentioned the day before yesterday in this post that I’m participating in a fellow bloggers Challenge.

If you click the link you will find the “topic” for each of the thirty days 🙂

Since I didn’t get a chance to get this out yesterday–I’ve combined two days! Kinda like when you miss a birth control pill… (Let’s not pretend you can’t relate, ladies) Moving on!

 

Day 2: How have you changed in the past 2 years?

I can go so many different ways with this . . . because at first glance, I thought: Damn, HAVE I changed in the past two years? I had to really think about this.

Two years may seem like nothing to some, but A LOT can happen in two years. Shit–a lot can happen in 2 days or 2 hours– So 2 years is a lifetime.

In the past two years, the thing that’s changed the most about me is: I’ve learned a hell of a lot about humility. I’m not an arrogant person, never have been–never will be. But I am stubborn as hell when it comes to my ‘Independence’. No need to get into it, most of you know about my health issues by now.

So sucking it up and knowing when to ask for help, has been my biggest change aka improvement. Well . . . I think it’s an improvement.

 

Day 3: What kind of person attracts you?

So . . . yeah–I like a guy with a sense of humor, nice smile, good heart and all that good stuff. But it wouldn’t hurt if he ever looked like any of these guys while he’s at it!

Channing Chris-Hemsworth-shirtless-Down-Under devin-thomas-3 shemar

Sooooo …. how have YOU changed in the past two years, and what kind of person attracts you?? Don’t worry; I won’t tell! :-p

If you ever need me >> Twitter: @Lolosofocused

Challenge Accepted!! Day 1

15 Jan

While perusing the highlights of twitter on my morning break today–I came across a tweet where a fellow blogger posted a “30 Day Challenge” for herself!!

What did I do?– What any self-respecting annoying person would do: totally inserted myself into her challenge! 🙂

I kid, I kid…

Lala over at “Seasons Change, and so have I” Blog re-tweeted me and instead of asking me to mind my own God damned business, she asked if I planned on doing the challenge with her!

I said, “But of course.”  Or something like that, so here we are! 🙂

30 day list

 

 

Day 1: Weird things you do when you’re alone . . .

** Well . . . being that we’re living in the 21st century (or is it 22nd now? Idk–what with the world always ending, I lost track) and all–masturbating is no longer considered weird–at least I don’t think.

So let’s go with a close second.

I talk to myself. Like . . . alot! And out loud.

I mean, I don’t get into full-out arguments with myself, that I can recall, but I’ve been known to partake in some serious discussions with me, myself, and I.

To the point where people who I live with (but mainly my sister) have been prone to come to my room just to ask me, “Who the hell are you talking to?”

It’s actually quite annoying, when I’m interrupted, but I digress.

….

**Another thing I do??

I Youtube clips of people falling, getting scared, and pranks gone wrong– just to name a few!

I don’t know why, but there’s something just too damn entertaining about it I can’t help myself.

This video is one of my all times faves!

 

Don’t cry for her, Argentina! She made dollars of this shit. Got to several talk shows when this came out, too! Her feelings won’t be hurt that she’s brought so much joy into people’s hearts this many years later!

I’m sure I can name a ton more . . . but alas, that’ll have to do for now!

Sooo . . . are you up for the challenge?

And what weird shit do YOU do when you’re alone? It’s okay . . . you can tell me *wink*

You can follow Lala  on (Twitter)

and me as well 🙂 Twitter 

YOU are your competition

10 Jan

On your mark . . . get set . . . wait–how about we just walk together!?

Throughout “life” we learn a lot about people but mostly, hopefully, we learn about ourselves, too!

One thing I’ve learned–and am constantly reminded of–is that I’m not a “competitive” person.

I don’t see the point.

Now … I don’t think this applies to situations when sports are involved, or let’s say two students  are vying for ONE scholarship, for example.

There are times when competition (friendly or not) is not only expected, but required!

There are other times, however, where it’s so uncalled for; when it rears it’s ugly head it makes people–like me who don’t see the need–look around, scratch their head and go, “Huh?!”

We all want success. We all want someone, anyone, and sometimes several people to tell us our goals and aspirations aren’t crazy or unattainable. The validation that WE ARE good enough. Being your own cheerleader isn’t always enough.

So how about being a cheerleader for others? Telling them “good job” and pressing forward when they’ve reached a plateau you wanted or maybe still want.

How about keeping your head up, licking your wounds and working your ass off ’til YOUR days comes and those same people you cheered for can return the favor and be in your support system. Your very own cheering section.

Here’s something else I’ve learned.

Some people do things because they love it, but come against, and in contact with those who have ulterior motives. Maybe it’s hard to watch those people succeed. Maybe you feel someone else (you, a family member, or friend) is more deserving. But at the end of the day, this may be hard to hear, but SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE clearly disagrees.

She got the part.

He scored that agent.

She doesn’t deserve that man.

He isn’t good enough for her.

They got that award.

Someone decided that person earned, or deserved what they got.

Rarely are things simply handed to people these days.

Most importantly what I’ve learned:

If shine is what you seek: Trust–there’s enough shine to go around. Period. Maybe this person’s light shines a little brighter. But look around, someone probably thinks the same thing about you. You might be blinding someone right now.

I don’t care what anyone says. YOU are your competition. YOU should strive to get better for YOU. It shouldn’t be about him, her, them or they.

Don’t waste time comparing yourself to others and looking at them as “competition” . . . that’s weak. It doesn’t matter how they got to where they are—They’re there! If that’s where you want to be . . . start looking at them as inspiration.

It’ll save you a lot more time.

~Lory

Twitter: @lolosofocused

The Root of all Evil

4 Jan

Show me the money!!

 

This may very well make me seem  like an unfeeling/insensitive and selfish asshole–but truth me told, I’m totally fine with that.

What is it you ask?

I NEVER LEND FRIENDS MONEY!

Okay, that’s not say I never have before (in the past … when I was young and dumb) but as a general rule I don’t lend. If a friend or family member is in a bind–yes I might give but loan??

^^^^^ What they said!!!^^^^

It’s just, to me, never a good idea.

I’ve seen (on TV and in real life situations) life-long ‘friendships’ get ripped to shreds all over a few hundred dollars … sometimes less.

Is that to say those few hundred dollars isn’t a lot? Hell no! And that’s the point:

“It’s never smart to lend money in which you can’t afford to simple give away”

While, I’m sure I’ve paraphrased the quote in some way and I’m not sure who said that, but BY GOD that’s some of the best advice ever.

Personally, I can’t afford to just hand  over several bills to someone (Sallie Mae has me by the balls enough)… which, again, is why I won’t. If I’m going to miss it–than it stays with me. There are SO MANY ways to help out a friend that don’t involve handing them over your cold hard cash. ‘Cause as luck would have it 9/10 times, the minute you hand it over, something will come up the next day to make you regret it!

If the friend is a good friend {I sure hope they are if you were contemplating giving them money} they should and will appreciate your time. Your love. Your comfort.

Offer to babysit the kids to give them some free time, offer them a ride if their car is 2.5 seconds away from draining their bank account. Cook them some nice dinner if they are down, out, and without. Hell, even offer to buy the groceries for them. Help clean, paint, redecorate their house. Lend them something to wear. Really–the list goes on, but value what you have and who you can be for them. It shouldn’t just be about what you can GIVE them and vice  versa.

Because in the struggles I’ve faced in life … I remember the friends who gave me their TIME  and a meal, long before the ones who threw five bucks my way to get something to eat and sent me on my way.

Food for thought …

When it’s ‘OK’ to be a Follower

26 Jul

Seriously, why do you guys spoil me so? LOL

It always makes feel all … I don’t want to say warm and fuzzy, but ya know— Good and shit… when I come back after days (see: weeks) of not physically adding a post, only to find things like this waiting for me!: Best Follower Award.

And yeah, I know the term “Follower” has a stigma attached to it, ‘cause really didn’t we ALL want to be the “Leader” in ‘Follow the Leader’ in school? But, in this case— I’ll take it!

And I have Nicole over at NMPHX to thank for that! Now, in truth I’m probably one of the worst followers on the face of the planet… Why, you ask? Because, though, I will faithfully follow your blog, and even pimp out your blog for others to read, I will 9 times of 10 completely forget to comment. *hangs head in shame* but I’m so thankful for bloggers like Nicole, who know that I AM here, and I DO support—I’m just a lazy commenting bum. (I plan on changing that btw, I promise) …

Now you know what time is it! Time for the Rules:

1.   Thank the giver, link the page, and add the award to your site.

Check, Check, and I will see if I can add another pic … but I might need assistance with this.

2.   Answer the question: “Who was my first follower?”

Yikes! I have no idea, and I apologize for that … :-/ I wanna say it’s my cousin Ritha or maybe my cousin Melissa… but either way, yeah it was one of my cousins lol

3.   Pass it on to your three Best Followers. 

Now I can’t send it to Nicole, even though she really is one of my best followers (Booo!!)

So, I literally cheated went and looked through those who have commented the most, and would like to thank them for that! 🙂

Just Call Me Raegen another blogger who I follow faithfully—and never fails to make me laugh, yet I don’t always remember to comments *head still hung in shame*

Single White Dating Female  Who also has me literally ‘Laughing out Loud’ at some of her dating encounters—even when I’m not sure if I should be laughing. Sorry!

And

Moments with the Madame this may or may not be the blog of one of my aforementioned cousin’s who actually started me on blogging. Also, get your minds out of the gutter, btw, ‘cause she’s not an actual ‘madame’ in that sense. 😉

So, yeah … I think that’s it!! Thanks again!! 🙂 Have YOU thanked a fellow follower lately? I think you should! Like now … Get! Go on! Why are you still reading? Haha sorry, I’m in a goofy mood today! :-p

 

Movie Theater Etiquette

8 Jul

OK,  movie goer’s … It’s time we have a serious talk!

For starters, let me explain a little bit about my life, and what I do, in order for you to understand how important this post is to me.

Once upon a time (not even a full 2 years ago) I had “a life.”  I went out every weekend— to a party, a club, a bal (aka a small concert in the Haitian world), out of town to NY, and the likes … I was everywhere and anywhere!

As most of you know, though, thanks to a little something called Seronegative Spondyloarthropathy in which I discussed in a post many moons ago  “Me and my Arthritis- 5 things I learned”  All that fun loving, and club hopping came to an abrupt end.

My hips don’t lie and , literally,  just can’t take it anymore!  Anywho!

Fast Forward to my life (or lack thereof) now.

One of the only things I do as a form of  “Going out” is to actually go to the movies!  I’ve been, just about every weekend or every other weekend in the past few months, and pretty much have my weekends for the rest of the year planned out as to what movies I will be seeing… (Yes I’m a nerd– Don’t judge me).

MOVING RIGHT ALONG!

With that said there are just some things that have been —what’s the word?— Ah yes, INFLICTED on me that I just don’t see the use for. Common courtesy and common sense, are clearly a thing of the past, so I am here my dear friends to beg (see: enlighten) you on things that I really don’t think are fair to those around you.

1. FEET- *shudder* I hate feet! I hate feet with a passion deep in my soul that I just can’t explain.  Sometimes, (back when I had money and used to get pedicures on a regular basis) I would avert my eyes as to not stare at someones crazy looking toes.

SO PLEASE! for the love of GOD,  if you absolutely MUST put your feet up on the seat in front of you (meaning my seat) Please keep your shoes on. There is no reason for me to have to see your fat, nasty, hairy big toe—Wiggling in my peripheral, when really I should be able to focus on Channing Tatum humping a stage.

2. CONTROL YOUR LAUGHTER- This one pains me because I know there is a good possibility that I to have an obnoxious laugh.  However, with this knowledge, I try my best to control it when other’s are around me.

Yes, you paid for the movie.  So, yes, you should be able to enjoy it. But so did everyone else.  So, the loud cackles, mixed with thunderous claps, and feet stomping— as if you’re in a stadium— are distracting and down right annoying. And they make it hard for everyone else to hear what the hell is going on.

Plus, sorry sir– that sat in front of us– but Madea really wasn’t THAT funny!

3. CLOTHES- Ladies! (Especially of the younger persuasion) I am SO GLAD for you that

your–whoever–brought you on a date to the movies.

However,  please dress appropriately. This isn’t you first movie,  and the concept of a theater stopped being new decades ago! So I’m pretty sure you knew, before you left the house and threw on that outfit that could rival a stripper, that it was going to be colder than a meat freezer inside.

So why do I have to see all your goodies, and then hear you complaining that it’s cold, or have the chattering of your teeth– as you catch pneumonia–ringing in my ears?

Where are you going??

 

I know you just wanted to look good for your date but sorry boo boo—  Your nakedness distracts us all, and not in a good way.

*This has been a certified rant from your’s truly*

If you have some movie theater etiquette you’d like to share with me, or just bad movie experience’s … Please feel free to rant Below! 🙂

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