Tag Archives: Equality

“FAT NIGGER!” … that’s what I was called today.

29 Oct

By whom? I don’t know.

It was random.

It came from a stranger.

And I’m yet to decide how I truly feel about it.

Initially, I had no reaction. I was walking around during my lunch break and as I was waiting on the sidewalk for my turn to cross the street, a passerby yelled it from a car.

I didn’t look up. I didn’t even flinch. A part of it was because it took a minute to register what they said. The other was because I’ve learned—or I’m trying to learn, I should say—to school my initial reactions to people. I’m the one who talks back. The person who’s quick to roll their eyes at a comment without realizing it, or have a sarcastic reply.

Yet, in this situation, I felt nothing. No desire to retort. I was completely numb. 

For about five minutes.

When I walked back into work, my hand was shaking slightly as it all settled in. And when I told everyone what just happened, in the midst of their anger, the first thing I said was, “I’m not even that fat!”

I don’t know where that came from, but it truly didn’t even come from a place of trying to be funny.

And I still can’t figure out why the fat part of the comment bothered me more.

I mean, I know I’m black. I’ve been black since the day I was born. Because of that, I know there are people who will automatically dislike me.

They will quickly judge and decide that I’m not good enough.

That I’m not educated.

Or I’m ghetto.

Is it okay? No, of course not. But it is what it is.

Every day, all around us, there are reminders of how long we’ve come as a society coupled with instances of how much longer we have to go.

I’m not blind to the ignorance of the world.

I haven’t been since the second grade when a kid called me a ‘Negro’ but didn’t get in trouble no matter how much he hurt my feelings.

I haven’t been blind to it since earlier years when people would tell me I “sound like a white girl.” 

And I wasn’t blind to it today, when I was minding my business and had to be reminded that—by societies standards—I’m not only FAT but I’m a NIGGER.

I’m not as angry as some are or would be. In part, I’m actually kind of thankful it was said to me. I know had it been said to some others, they wouldn’t have been able to handle it. Going on with their day as if it never happened wouldn’t be an option.

It would have turned them cold, maybe even bitter.

Thankfully, that’s not going to happen here because I know I can’t change the way ignorant people think.

Today was one of the first times I’ve realized, truly, that my skin color doesn’t define me.

It’s not what they call you—it’s what you answer to.

I’ve never been slim. So yes, I might be fat.

But a nigger I am not.

I’m a strong black woman.      

And that’s okay!

Maybe one day it will be okay with everyone, too!

 NoHate

YOU are your competition

10 Jan

On your mark . . . get set . . . wait–how about we just walk together!?

Throughout “life” we learn a lot about people but mostly, hopefully, we learn about ourselves, too!

One thing I’ve learned–and am constantly reminded of–is that I’m not a “competitive” person.

I don’t see the point.

Now … I don’t think this applies to situations when sports are involved, or let’s say two students  are vying for ONE scholarship, for example.

There are times when competition (friendly or not) is not only expected, but required!

There are other times, however, where it’s so uncalled for; when it rears it’s ugly head it makes people–like me who don’t see the need–look around, scratch their head and go, “Huh?!”

We all want success. We all want someone, anyone, and sometimes several people to tell us our goals and aspirations aren’t crazy or unattainable. The validation that WE ARE good enough. Being your own cheerleader isn’t always enough.

So how about being a cheerleader for others? Telling them “good job” and pressing forward when they’ve reached a plateau you wanted or maybe still want.

How about keeping your head up, licking your wounds and working your ass off ’til YOUR days comes and those same people you cheered for can return the favor and be in your support system. Your very own cheering section.

Here’s something else I’ve learned.

Some people do things because they love it, but come against, and in contact with those who have ulterior motives. Maybe it’s hard to watch those people succeed. Maybe you feel someone else (you, a family member, or friend) is more deserving. But at the end of the day, this may be hard to hear, but SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE clearly disagrees.

She got the part.

He scored that agent.

She doesn’t deserve that man.

He isn’t good enough for her.

They got that award.

Someone decided that person earned, or deserved what they got.

Rarely are things simply handed to people these days.

Most importantly what I’ve learned:

If shine is what you seek: Trust–there’s enough shine to go around. Period. Maybe this person’s light shines a little brighter. But look around, someone probably thinks the same thing about you. You might be blinding someone right now.

I don’t care what anyone says. YOU are your competition. YOU should strive to get better for YOU. It shouldn’t be about him, her, them or they.

Don’t waste time comparing yourself to others and looking at them as “competition” . . . that’s weak. It doesn’t matter how they got to where they are—They’re there! If that’s where you want to be . . . start looking at them as inspiration.

It’ll save you a lot more time.

~Lory

Twitter: @lolosofocused

Flaming- What’s the point?

5 Jul

For the LIFE OF ME … I can not understand the point in flaming people!

For those who may not know what a flame is— in the literary world it’s an intentionally hurtful/ malice review on someone’s body of work. I don’t know if that’s the actual definition, but you get the picture.

Now, this isn’t to be confused with politely and in a constructive way voicing your dislike for something or your opposing viewpoint of something.  After all not every book, blog, magazine article etc. is compiled with everyone in mind.

I, for one, have never read the Wall St. Journal, and probably never will.

Therefore, I am not the target audience.  So a flamer, to me, is someone who goes out scouting material not meant for them— in which they already know they will not like—all for the purpose of bashing the authors and their integrity, creativity, character, education, you name it—they bash it.

So this is what I ask: What’s the point?

What do you flamers get out of leaving nasty and hurtful reviews for people? Is it something that helps you sleep better at night? Make you feel big like you accomplished something? Do you feel like you’re doing a public service and speaking out for the weaklings who might not “have the balls to admit that they are really thinking?”

This is all kidding aside… I am DYING to understand it.

Now, I’ll admit I’ve been pretty lucky. With the exception of a few people stating that my characters may be a bitch, dense, or vapid … or that my blog has no rhyme or reason to it (*snort* I already told people my blog is about everything and nothing but whatever) … No one has come through and ripped me to the core in how much my family sucks, how I’m going to hell, or how I should never write again. (I’m sure that will change but whatever)

However, something people on the outside tend not to realize is that we bloggers, writers, etc.  are VERY much protective of each other because in simple terms: We know the struggle.

So, no, I haven’t gotten the worst of the flaming (yet) but having to see, read, or hear about fellow writers and bloggers going through this,  I feel it and again: I will never understand the point.

Yes, we put our works and thoughts out there to be judge and criticized, I get it, and it’s the nature of the beast. But to tell someone you don’t like their story or characters, or their blog— is not to tell them how horrible of a person they are, or how they or their families will rot in hell, or to threaten them or WORSE … when they post about a tragic event on a blog for you to call them LIARS, hate on them, or wish harm on them and their families during a tragic time.

For those who don’t know what it’s like … I would love for you to live inside the mind of a writer (aspiring or not) just for one day and see if you can come out on the other side sane. Those characters you read about—the ones you love to hate, or hate to the love? That murderer, that victim— yeah, they all lived in our minds for an insurmountable amount of time before we were able to put them on paper. You don’t like them fine. But you don’t know the man or woman behind the screen, the story that we may have lost sleep or shed tears over. Yet you sit behind your anonymity and exist solely to tear us down.

So I am asking, begging, for you all to enlighten me. As most flamers tend to hide behind their screens, never wanting to reveal their identities—have no fears you don’t have to sign in to comment under my posts.

I mean, GOD FORBID you have to actually take back the shit you dish out, huh?

Isn’t she lovely? Isn’t she wonderful ….

29 Jun

Didn’t think I meant it when I said I’d be right back, huh? Well HA! 🙂

OK!!! I would like to thank the Awesomeness that is YYChristian over at The Key’s to attraction blog for nominating me for the “One Lovely Blog” Award! I don’t think I can gush enough about his blog, But I’m gonna attempt it!!

Fella’s! PLEASE for the love of all that is good in the eyes of single women– PLEASE check out his blog! And ladies please show him some love to… He’s trying to help school the men folk, on just about everything on the do’s and don’ts of … well everything! And he does a damn good job at it. *Whispers, “He must double check with the ladies on some things ’cause he’s a little too spot on with some of the advice.”* 😉

Moving right along!

As with Every Award you know what times it is!

So here are the rules!

* Thank the person/people who nominated you and link back to them in your post.

* Share seven possibly unknown things about yourself.

* Nominate fifteen or so bloggers you admire.

* Contact the chosen bloggers to let them know and link back to them

Part 1-

7 things about Lolo (I may have already said some of these things before, but *shrugs* that must mean I really want you to know them).

1. I’m the youngest of three … (and the super annoying younger sister).

2. I’ve lived in Florida, Massachusetts, New York, and Haiti

3. I’m in my 20’s <— (That’s all you’re gonna get) lol

4. I’m afraid of the dark! (Things go bump in the night after all)

5. I hate, hate, HATE squirrels. (This I know I’ve said before, but it deserves mention twice. I just don’t understand why the little bastards exist).

6. I’ve seen more cooter than all the men I know combined! (I used to bar tend/waitress at a strip club).

7. The only sport I watch is Soccer.

Bonus: Since I jipped ya with bringing the squirrels up again

8. I played the clarinet for 4 years, but my brother made me quit when I got into high school!

Part 2-

Nominations

This might seem like a total cop-out … but in all fairness– this go round, I can’t pick! Really I follow so many blogs, and they all have so many things to offer that I won’t be able to decide. (Especially since I’ve been MIA for almost 2 weeks and a lot can change during that time you know).

Instead, I would just like to turn this back over to you guys! Thank you SO much for always providing me with laughs and smiles! From writing advice, to dating advice, to all around randomness … There really are some awesome bloggers on WordPress!!!!! Please check them out, and when you find a hidden gem of a blog that needs some recognition … pass along these awards to let them know how awesome they are and how much you appreciate them! 🙂

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!

You can follow me on Twitter: @lolosofocused

7 Days, 7 Posts, 7 Deadly Sins

4 Jun

So I decided to give myself a challenge. Not a big challenge. Just a little challenge to see if I could find a reason (topic) that would require me to post everyday for a week!

I know some of you are probably waving a dismissive hand at me, as if to say “A blog a day for a week? That’s it?” Well… yeah that’s it! Lol

It might not sound like much, but to bloggers like myself who lag and struggle with things to say, often skipping days- if not weeks of posting, trust me: it’s a lot!

So, in thinking about my “challenge” to myself, a thought occurred to me! THE 7 DEADLY SINS! *Take a moment to shake head* Yeah, I’m not surprised that, that’s the first thing to come to me either! Moving on!

So what’s my challenge exactly? Well it’s to post 7 blogs, once a day (or more if the mood strikes *snort* it won’t) each day centering around a “deadly sin.” 

Not sure what the sins are? Don’t worry I’ll highlight them below.

Each day, for the next 7 days, I will make a post- dealing with something that I’ve done, or been a part of- in regards to the seven deadly sins!

I hope you’ll enjoy each, and that some of you will join me! 🙂 I would LOVE to see what certain people write for certain things (Lust *coughs* Lust).

Here are the sins:

**

Lust

Uncontrolled or illicit sexual desire or appetite; lecherousness.

Gluttony

Excessive eating and drinking.

Greed 

Excessive or rapacious desire, especially for wealth orpossessions.

Sloth

Habitual disinclination to exertion; indolence; laziness.

Wrath 

Vengeance or punishment as the consequence of anger.

Envy

Vengeance or punishment as the consequence of anger.

Pride 

High or inordinate opinion of one’s own dignity, importance,merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or asdisplayed in bearing, conduct, etc.

**

Yeah, I’m sure I could highlight ONE weekend where I’ve exhibited ALL of these sins! How about you??

Oh and while all of you are HOPEFULLY thinking of your 7 deadly sins; take a moment to think about “What you’ve learned from blogging” Nicole over at NMNPHX is compiling a lists from fellow bloggers in honor of her blogiversary (it’s a word, I swear) have questions? Hit her up here. 

If you’re against gay marriage: Then don’t get GAY MARRIED!

27 May

I’m still not sure who came up with that saying, but my response to it has always been: A-fucking-men!!

This is probably as political, or whatever you choose to call it, that I will EVER get… And probably the angriest to! But, I feel it’s time to say something!

To anyone who wants to hear it.

Not that it’s not an ongoing issue —but as usual—whenever elections start rolling around, people decide to plant their flags in the ground of right and wrong, and blur the lines between church and state.

To be honest… I’m stick to death of it!

Dear government; WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU to decide what “love” is right or wrong, huh? Who are you to decide that “certain people” should not be allowed the same rights—not privileges— but RIGHTS as everyone else?

Once upon a time, if I fell in love with a white man– I wouldn’t have been able to marry him. Remember that? Once upon a time, a black man, such as my brother would have had the SHIT beat out of him, for so much as looking at someone of a different race. That means my beautiful nieces, and nephew would have never been here. Or worse treated like an abomination.

Do you plan on bringing those days back? Do you? It’s different, is it? Really how so? Please enlighten me.

There are days when I am so proud of how far we’ve gotten as a society. And then there are days, where I really want to vomit over the judgmental and ignorant shit that I come across.

So, it’s a sin in the bible huh? Well guess what, I’m not hear to dispute that because I don’t claim to know the bible, at all. But guess what? YOU ASSHOLES DON’T EITHER! You don’t get to use it when it benefits your cause, then turn around and tear it apart as it suits you! That’s not how it works!

When will you learn? When will WE ALL learn. Hate breeds hate. That’s fact. When will it stop? You have the power, we all do, but what do you do?

You insert yourselves into the wombs of women, and tell us what to do with it!

You play GOD and rip peoples hearts out by telling them who they are “allowed” to love and how they are “allowed” to show it!

You ignore the cries of the hungry, and pleas of the uneducated, while you further your own agenda’s and beef up your own wallets!

No one is forcing you to “like” this idea or that idea. After all, we’re not YOU… we believe in free will and all that. You don’t like something? By all means, don’t do it! Don’t participate in it! Look the other way!

But to force you’re OWN beliefs of wrong on others and then hide behind that guise that it’s the ONLY acceptable belief?

Hardly seems fair does it?!

“Happy Hunger Games… My Ass” I cried like a Baby

3 Apr

        

So I caved and watched The Hunger Games (HG) last night. I say caved because I tend to fall into the category of those people who, when a film adaptation of a novel comes out, feels that I have to read the story first so that I understand any and everything going on AND can annoyingly explain it to the person sitting next to me. (99% of the time it’s My Sister).

However, the previews and hype surrounding the movie drew me in and let me tell you- I stand by my original rule and am going back to reading the stories beforehand.

{Before you read on let me explain that I have no intention of comparing The Hunger Games and Twilight. Ever. For starters. 1.) I don’t consider myself a movie critic in any way and really just wanted to share what I thought of this film and 2.) Let this serve as a reminder that I haven’t read any of the books so it wouldn’t be fair because I am an embarrassingly avid Twilight fan. (see: Have the books, have the movies and even reads AND writes Twilight FanFiction)}

Moving on.

First let me say that, to me, the movie as a movie itself was beyond amazing.

The cinematography and special effects had me at the edge of my seat and several times I leaned over (to my sister) and would whisper “Wow” or “That was crazy” when something interesting happened.

I also think that actress Jennifer Lawrence, who portrays the heroine of the novel/film Katniss Everdeen, has talent that cannot be doubted or badly reviewed, as well as the many other actors in the cast. Job well done!

Unfortunately, having not read the book, there were times that I felt the movie lagged, some things that seemed minor, but I know better, were left unexplained (the symbolism of the mockingjay pin, Katniss and Rue’s 4 note melody, and the three finger salute to name a few) and events that occurred that I was left totally unprepared for. – Like when Rue, the young girl tribute from District 11, was slaughtered in cold bold. Even knowing it was inevitable I still cried and shouted at the screen how I felt. I think my exact words were “THIS IS BULL SH*T”.

In case you don’t know the premise of the story- Basically because of one Districts (or countries) failed attempt to rebel against the corrupt Capitol (government), every other district (There are 12 left in total) must now offer up two children (one male and one female) yearly as tribute to battle to the death- DEATH ie: they savagely bludgeon each other- on live television where the world watches. Children killing. Each other. 24 kids. Only one survives. Kids. Killing each other. For sport. While adults watch and sometimes actually sabotage the game.

Maybe I’m just too naïve and sensitive for angst but I really hated the idea, concept and portrayal of people offering up children as sacrifice. Since this is basically the entire premise of the novel/ film I guess sadly I must report that I am not a fan and probably won’t be rushing out to by the trilogy of books anytime soon.

Kids’ killing each other, regardless of the reason and symbolism is just something I can’t get with. Ever.

But like I said the movie in itself separately from what it represented (to me) was probably the best movie I’ve seen so far this year. Just watch at your own risk.

“Happy Hunger Games!”

Also I would  like to just give a big F-You to those people who actually had the gall to tweet hateful comments that Rue was depicted as a young black girl (the way she was actually described in the books from what I understand).

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