Tag Archives: Life

“FAT NIGGER!” … that’s what I was called today.

29 Oct

By whom? I don’t know.

It was random.

It came from a stranger.

And I’m yet to decide how I truly feel about it.

Initially, I had no reaction. I was walking around during my lunch break and as I was waiting on the sidewalk for my turn to cross the street, a passerby yelled it from a car.

I didn’t look up. I didn’t even flinch. A part of it was because it took a minute to register what they said. The other was because I’ve learned—or I’m trying to learn, I should say—to school my initial reactions to people. I’m the one who talks back. The person who’s quick to roll their eyes at a comment without realizing it, or have a sarcastic reply.

Yet, in this situation, I felt nothing. No desire to retort. I was completely numb. 

For about five minutes.

When I walked back into work, my hand was shaking slightly as it all settled in. And when I told everyone what just happened, in the midst of their anger, the first thing I said was, “I’m not even that fat!”

I don’t know where that came from, but it truly didn’t even come from a place of trying to be funny.

And I still can’t figure out why the fat part of the comment bothered me more.

I mean, I know I’m black. I’ve been black since the day I was born. Because of that, I know there are people who will automatically dislike me.

They will quickly judge and decide that I’m not good enough.

That I’m not educated.

Or I’m ghetto.

Is it okay? No, of course not. But it is what it is.

Every day, all around us, there are reminders of how long we’ve come as a society coupled with instances of how much longer we have to go.

I’m not blind to the ignorance of the world.

I haven’t been since the second grade when a kid called me a ‘Negro’ but didn’t get in trouble no matter how much he hurt my feelings.

I haven’t been blind to it since earlier years when people would tell me I “sound like a white girl.” 

And I wasn’t blind to it today, when I was minding my business and had to be reminded that—by societies standards—I’m not only FAT but I’m a NIGGER.

I’m not as angry as some are or would be. In part, I’m actually kind of thankful it was said to me. I know had it been said to some others, they wouldn’t have been able to handle it. Going on with their day as if it never happened wouldn’t be an option.

It would have turned them cold, maybe even bitter.

Thankfully, that’s not going to happen here because I know I can’t change the way ignorant people think.

Today was one of the first times I’ve realized, truly, that my skin color doesn’t define me.

It’s not what they call you—it’s what you answer to.

I’ve never been slim. So yes, I might be fat.

But a nigger I am not.

I’m a strong black woman.      

And that’s okay!

Maybe one day it will be okay with everyone, too!

 NoHate

Big girls DO cry

27 Feb

… We all do.

And, honestly, I’m kind of done pretending that I don’t.

Earlier today (on my respective Facebook’s  I posted a status that read:

“Even people with the “toughest skin” or shoulders who can inexplicably let things roll off of them aren’t immune to feelings of hurt, frustration, or disappointment in reaction to someone’s comments or behavior. It has nothing to do with being weak, or letting them get to you. It’s about being human and knowing how you should be treated. Nothing more. Nothing less.”

Do I agree that in life we have to learn to take the good with the bad?  The constructive criticisms, right along with praise, and hate? Yes, of course. But to an extent.

We can never and should never try to please everyone we come in contact with. Whether that be online or in everyday life. It’s an impossible task. Don’t set yourself up for that kind of failure.

However, should people just accept someone’s comments, rude behavior, and downright spiteful, vindictive and catty remarks? No. I don’t believe so.

To me, when you tell someone that they aren’t allowed to have some sort of reaction, or feel a certain way about someone else’s words, it’s as though you’re telling them to forget they’re human.

That they should just ignore people’s words because they have a right to say what they want. Not everyone is gonna like you.

Whatever.

Why? Explain to me WHY we’re not allowed to feel the pang of hurt. Frown or maybe shed a tear when someone hurts our feelings? I don’t understand.

Does this mean the second someone disagrees with you that it’s time to fly off the handle, vent and cry just because they don’t love or hate the same thing as you?

Come on. Obviously not.

But why pretend?

I can let a lot— and I mean A LOT —of things roll off my shoulder. Laugh in someone’s face when they try and get at me. Or even pretend something wasn’t said or done to me at all.

But catch me at the wrong day or time. Catch me when life is just shitting on me in more ways than one. When I have nothing in me to ignore.

What do I do? … I cry.

And I vent.

And I mope.

And letting it all out sometimes feels damn good.

Do I move on? Of course, we HAVE TO. There’s no sense in dwelling on it forever. Or letting it fester to the point it consumes you  and turns you into that same hateful person to others, as the person who made you feel like poo.

But I gain nothing in pretending I’m not human.

Pretending I don’t have feelings.

Acting like I don’t get disappointed if something I say or do isn’t well received. If someone I know is acting all out themselves.

I treat others with as much love and respect as possible.

And when I don’t get that in return—it hurts. It leaves me confused and frustrated. It makes me question things. It makes me question myself.

Does that make me weak in some people’s eyes? Perhaps.

But it makes me real.

Don’t worry . . . sometimes people just cheat

27 Jan

I’m combining the topics for day 7 and 8 today!

Day 7: Your opinion on cheating on people 

I can’t with this topic today! I had a very emotional conversation with someone from my past, and I’m way too spent to think about exes, and cheating and why people do it. Funnily enough, I just discussed this with a fellow blogger just yesterday … and really people cheat because they can. That’s how I see it. If you want to take a look at a man’s perspective of things, feel free to check out this blog post by: Date Advice Guy

Day 8: Something you’re currently worrying about!?

EVERYTHING!! 

Honestly, I’m a worry wart right now. I worry about my friends well-being. I worry about my families health. I worry about my career–where I’ll be in 5 years. If I’ll end up alone. Really, I’m in a morose mood 😦 so I’m just worrying!

YEAH THIS IS WHERE I’M AT TODAY

 

Sorry ya’ll didn’t get the peppy, sarcastic, and snarky/smart-assish Lolo … we all have our days, right!?

 

Do you like me? Check Yes or No! #Blog Challenge Day 6

27 Jan

The person you like and why you like them …

Oh, where to begin–where to begin???

Well, for starters, let me preface this by saying I’m currently not “In like” with anyone. ‘Tis sad but true!

I mean … there’s this one guy! He’s my kryptonite and after a few years (see decades) I still haven’t been able to shake him, but I hardly think he counts anymore. I’ve resigned myself to the fact he and I will live in a constant state of “what if” until we’re old and gray, and married to other people!

Anyway!

This question made me think of the simple days, ya know! Before life and dating made us  hip to the feelings of hardcore rejection, hurt and betrayal. When going out on a limb wasn’t met with so much fear. When shit wasn’t so damn complicated!

We have A MILLION ways to communicate now a days! Ways in which some of us couldn’t fathom when we were younger. I mean … some of  us were pretty sure the world would end LONG before we got a cell phone that can do magic tricks! (Oh, your phone doesn’t do that? Get on board–’cause mine can fly!!! … I kid, I kid).

I miss these days :

 

Things weren’t as hard–WE didn’t make things so hard. It was simple, do you like me? Yes or No!?

We didn’t know about playing hard to get.

Past experiences didn’t make us scared, bitter and/or un-trusting.

Our hearts were pure! Eager for love and friendship! Wanting to cut to the chase.

But now, we have email, Skype, Twitter, Facebook, Cell phones, Cell phone APP’s, Instant messengers, Morse code, smoke signals–really the list goes on!  And of course we can’t forget blogs!  (you have no idea how many blogs I found dedicated just to people writing letters to their exes)

Yet, I think, sadly, our generation is the worst when it comes to communication.

How many people do you know who, when asked their relationship status, hits you with an, “It’s complicated?”

Every situation is different, yada-yada–but in the end I miss the days where it boiled down to the simple question.— Do you like me, yes or no?

Yes= we’re together now or friends.

No= let us know not to waste our times and move on to someone who wants us in their lives.

The memories.

 

Challenge Day 4

24 Jan

I lost a few days ’cause of the suspension but let’s pick up where we left off with the 30 Day Challenge!!!

Day 4:

(. . . or something like that–but who’s counting!? )

What you wear to bed.

I imagine, with this kind of question, being a guy would have more impact in the answer. Or at the very least the phrasing of the question would be sexier. After all, ALL woman have been guilty of purring out a, “So what do you wear? Boxers or briefs?”

 Boxers and briefs

^^^ This picture actually scares me!

Ideally, my answer would be something like, “Oh, baby–I sleep nekked.” Or maybe, “T-shirt and panties.” Ala Adina Howard (song reference) . . .

But really–the answer is, whatever I get my hands on first. Or it depends on the temperature.

If it’s scorching hot. I’m liable to throw myself on the bed, butt naked, spread eagle.

If it’s cold. I might look a little something like this :

 Brrrr

Bbbbrrrrrrr!!!!

Annnddd that’s really all there is to that!

So . . . to make this post not completely asinine; here’s a list of what your sleepwear says about you! From Youqueen.com

That’s all!

*Kisses*

~Lo

Twitter: @lolosofocused

Challenge: Day 2 and 3

18 Jan

So, I mentioned the day before yesterday in this post that I’m participating in a fellow bloggers Challenge.

If you click the link you will find the “topic” for each of the thirty days 🙂

Since I didn’t get a chance to get this out yesterday–I’ve combined two days! Kinda like when you miss a birth control pill… (Let’s not pretend you can’t relate, ladies) Moving on!

 

Day 2: How have you changed in the past 2 years?

I can go so many different ways with this . . . because at first glance, I thought: Damn, HAVE I changed in the past two years? I had to really think about this.

Two years may seem like nothing to some, but A LOT can happen in two years. Shit–a lot can happen in 2 days or 2 hours– So 2 years is a lifetime.

In the past two years, the thing that’s changed the most about me is: I’ve learned a hell of a lot about humility. I’m not an arrogant person, never have been–never will be. But I am stubborn as hell when it comes to my ‘Independence’. No need to get into it, most of you know about my health issues by now.

So sucking it up and knowing when to ask for help, has been my biggest change aka improvement. Well . . . I think it’s an improvement.

 

Day 3: What kind of person attracts you?

So . . . yeah–I like a guy with a sense of humor, nice smile, good heart and all that good stuff. But it wouldn’t hurt if he ever looked like any of these guys while he’s at it!

Channing Chris-Hemsworth-shirtless-Down-Under devin-thomas-3 shemar

Sooooo …. how have YOU changed in the past two years, and what kind of person attracts you?? Don’t worry; I won’t tell! :-p

If you ever need me >> Twitter: @Lolosofocused

Save the Facebook drama for your mama!

16 Jan

 

I’ve come to a realization (seems a normal occurrence for me these days, huh?) That I am by far a bigger bitch in real life than I will ever be online…

In real life– I detest drama, but when the time comes I’ll admit, I don’t shy away from a [healthy] argument. Its good for the soul. And I have no shame admitting I’m one of those people who: come hell or high water, if I have a point–SOMEONE is gonna hear it! I don’t even care if the argument was over hours ago, either. 😀

But online!? Sorry to break the bad news, but no matter how much you shouty caps at someone you won’t caps lock them to death. It doesn’t make your point come across clearer, and really just makes you look like a dumb ass… #dontkillthemessenger — I’m just saying!!

I can hear an argument going on in real life and not bat an eyelash… See two people throwing down and walk by them as if its an everyday thing, but online?

Ohhhh!!!
Nothing will make me run for the metaphorical hills (aka unfriend, unfollow, block, ignore) someone quicker than the ever present bitch fests and cat fights! I’m allergic to online mayhem: it literally makes me cringe and grimace.

Obviously, we all have our moments and days where we really just need to let out a good rant… But after that, most of us move the hell on!

Some people though– wowzers!! Really, what they need is Dr. Phil. Not a slew of online friends, who don’t really know them, giving a shit ton of useless advice they haven’t and would never use themselves!

Which brings me to my next point of just … Really?! WHO exactly are you arguing with? *scratches chin* that person whose only connection to you is the fact you’ve clicked ‘like’ on some of the same pictures or post?! Maybe commented on the same thread!? Wow, ya’ll go way back, huh?

This is another reason I’m more prone to bitch someone out in RL rather than online.  My friends and family know me.  They know my quirks, ins and outs, what makes me tick–and at the end of day: That we’ll move past our arguments ’cause deep down we love each other. For real!

Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr and all that isn’t real to me. You only know someone (for real) when they’re a constant present in your everyday real life. And even then you only know so much.

If I have an issue with someone that just needs to be hashed out– I’ll email them, call, text, skype, pm etc. If I don’t have the means to contact them in those other ways: the reality is I probably don’t know them well enough to get into online scuffles with them in the first place.

So when you just have that urge to ‘put someone in their place’ and I mean ALL THE TIME– please realize you’re not a Facebook Thug and no one fears you.

We roll our eyes.

Laugh at you.

Then while un-friending and blocking– we do both of the above.

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